We Can't Be Together Because Our Child Would Be The 'Harami Ka Baccha'

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 19 December, 2017

I loved her and she loved me. But the society that we live in never accepted our love. I am a 25-year-old man. I lead a good life now and know that I will be able to lead a good life in the future also.

The only thing that is missing in my life is the love of my life.

I was a 20-year-old boy when this happened. I was just like any other normal youngster. I too wanted to satisfy my lust at that age. So I started visiting sex workers. Initially, I used to choose different women but after some time, I started visiting only one woman.

I don’t know why – but both of us enjoyed each other’s company. Sometimes, instead of having sex, we just talked with each other.

 We slowly started talking over the phone and sent messages to each other. We even started meeting outside. Her name was Kanika. (I have changed her name here.) She was 27 years old at that time and had a child.

Her husband had deserted her. She was not educated and had to take care of her child. She had resorted to working as a sex worker in order to give him a good future.

We never knew how both of us fell in love with each other. When I professed my love to her, she also said that she loved me. This is how our actual relationship started. People might wonder how I managed to fall in love with a sex worker.

But love does not recognize a profession. Yes, she became a sex worker. But it is the society that we live in that forced her to become a sex worker.

She even introduced me to her son. Believe me, when I say this, I really loved her son as much as I loved her. Even though we loved each other, she continued sleeping with other men. I did not like this. But she said that she had to take care of a son. But love cannot be confined to our bodies alone.

When our souls get connected with someone, the body does not matter.

Some people may think that she used me for my money. But the reality was that she never asked me for money when we had sex. It was the love that we had for each other that was holding us together. We also had sex with each other but I never used her to get free sex. Our relationship was more than sex alone.

Whenever we met, we used to hold each other’s hands for hours. Sometimes, we would just fondle each other’s hands and sit quietly in our own little world where no one would disturb us.

This continued for almost two years. One day she asked me whether I would marry her. I just said, “I will marry you.” Both of us knew that the society that we lived in would never accept our love. I also knew that my parents would never accept a sex worker as their daughter-in-law. But I knew only one person who would stand by me – my elder sister. I knew my didi would stand by us and support me. I told her this.

But I was wrong. One day, she told me that she was pregnant with my child. I knew the child was mine because she always used condoms while having sex with her customers. But once both of us got carried away by our emotions and had sex without a condom. I got scared at first. But she held my hand and said, “Don’t worry; we are going to face this together.”

Finally, I decided to let my family know about this. I told my sister about it first because my elder sister was also my best friend. But my sister was furious when I told her that I had fallen in love with a sex worker and that she was pregnant with my child.

She told me to forget her and asked me not to disclose this to my parents.

When I told this to Kanika, she was shattered because I had told her that my sister was the only person in the world who was going to support us. After a few days, we met in a public garden. She told me that she had aborted the child. She said that she didn't want our child to be called as a ‘harami ka baccha’. When she said this, I felt as if a life inside me had been killed. I couldn’t control my anger at that point.

I abused her badly and then sat down and cried. She came close to me and hugged me. We both cried as we held each other. That was the moment when I felt as if nothing was left in my life. She said, “Society will not accept our relationship.” I asked her to go home.

I went home and confessed to my parents. My father slapped me and said that they were never going to accept her as their daughter-in-law.

They were more worried about what society would think. Why does society matter so much? Why do we think about what people will say about us?

We talked that night. I was depressed but she told me to be strong. The next day, I called her. But I couldn’t reach her on the phone for the whole day. I decided to visit the place that she stayed in. When I went to her house, her roommate, who was also a sex worker, said that she had left with her son yesterday.

She said that she had left because she did not want my parents to lose their son or to be ashamed of their son.

She had asked me never to try to contact her again. I tried searching for her in the city at different brothels. I asked the other sex workers if they had seen her. But I couldn’t find her. She had just left me without telling me anything.

I then remembered that her last words to me were, “The society that we live in will not accept our relationship.”

She left me alone. I don't know why she left me. It has been almost two and a half years since she left me. I still wonder why she left me. Was it because she did not trust me? Or did she care more about the society that we lived in than for the love that we had for each other? I don't know. I don't know whether I will meet her again or not or whether she is going to come back someday. But I know one thing. She loved me the way I loved her.

Author's Note:

Yes, I fell in love with a sex worker. Our love is considered a taboo in our society. But I just want to ask one thing. Are the background and the profession of a person more important than the actual person?

Editor's Note:

Not all of us are fortunate enough to be in a profession of our choice. We may not be able to understand the sacrifices and compromises that other people are forced to make in their lives. That is fine. Absolutely fine. But let us not criticize them or condemn them or treat them with contempt and indignity. Please DO share this story so that we learn to respect a person regardless of the profession that he/she is in.