To My In-laws: I Didn't Marry Your Son To Satisfy His Physical Needs, Have Some Shame

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 1 July, 2017

As a young child, I saw my parents and assumed that every married relationship must be like theirs - happy and peaceful.

Just like any other couple, they had their share of fights too but my dad always ended up resolving the fight and making up to mum. Marriage seemed like a kind of fairy tale for me until I got married. I had an arranged marriage where my decision was the only priority for my parents. I chose to get married to a guy from a well educated and cultured family.

Everything seemed great initially, but in a matter of a few days, my in-laws started putting senseless restrictions on me. My father-in-law told me that I could not pursue a job. Next, he told me to wear saris at home and not suits because I was married and needed to look the part. I was so shocked to hear this that I couldn't utter a single word

According to my mother-in-law, it was my responsibility towards my in-laws to clean their home and feed them. But they didn't involve me or make me a part of any other thing, at home. I still gave them time to finally start accepting me as a family member, but their behavior towards me didn't change. I did everything they wanted me to do but nothing made them happy. To make matters worse, as time passed, my mother-in-law started talking to me in very bad language. I was so unhappy that every minute I felt like ending my marriage. I felt trapped, caged and suffocated due to the nonsensical restrictions that were imposed upon me.

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I wasn't allowed to sit with my husband in front of them, I couldn't sleep a few hours extra even during the weekend, though my husband and his siblings could sleep in late and this was despite the fact that I was younger than all of them.

My father-in-law didn't talk to me because of our 'sasur-bahu' relationship. I started feeling sick. When my parents got concerned about my health, my mother-in-law abused me in front of them for falling sick. I started feeling scared of falling sick, even. I felt like killing myself. I used to cry my heart out when I was alone - it was all that I could do. When I shared these things with my husband, he ended up convincing me that it was his parents' nature and he couldn't possibly change them. I was left with no choice but to stay silent and pretend to be happy. But after a year of suffering this, I started replying back to my mother-in-law's tantrums sometimes, even though I felt bad after doing so.

I could not help but wonder how my in-laws pretended to be educated, high class, well - reputed, when actually they were nothing of the sort. Now, I am living in another city with my husband - away from my in-laws. I am quite happy now.

My husband takes care of me just like my parents' did, he lets me do everything I want to and doesn't restrict me. I do the same to him. I don't talk to my in-laws daily. My mother-in-law still tries to taunt me for the way I am living my life now. But my husband's love and support doesn't let me get upset for too long and I no longer worry about what she thinks of me.

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The best thing about living alone with my husband is that I am falling in love with him, more and more, with each passing day. Our relationship is stronger than ever.

 

Author's Note:

But, I do want to put these questions out to the society: Why does a mother-in-law who was once a daughter, a sister, a friend herself not understand her daughter-in-law, who is also a daughter, a sister and a friend to someone and has left all of it behind just to be a part of her family? Why does a woman not understand the pain of another? Just because that other woman is not of her own blood? Is it so difficult to let an outsider to be a part of your family? If yes, then why do you get your son married? Just to satisfy his physical needs and have a baby in the house and a full time maid to feed you all?

In spite of all the love and care I am receiving from my husband now, I can't help but wonder why is it so hard for a mother-in-law to love her daughter-in-law like her own.