I always dreamt of getting married but I didn't know it can be such a nightmare.
After my graduation, I slowly saw my classmates getting married. Deep inside, I also wanted to have that life. But my parents thought I was still a kid and wanted me to take time to make my future. I also wanted to settle down properly but getting my dream boy was always at the back of my mind.
I also planned to have a love marriage but I didn't get any guy to fall in love with. As it is said, "love is not everyone's cup of tea".
After 4 years, my parents were ready to get me married, and somewhere inside I was enjoying my single life and I wanted to continue my studies further. But a girl's destiny has tragic twist and turns.
My parents convinced me to get married by saying that they will search for a guy who will support my career too. And with God's blessings, they were successful in finding the perfect groom also.
In the beginning, everything was a dream come true but as my wedding date approached, I started realising that something was slowly changing. I was raised by my parents with a great sense of equality. I was pampered more than my brother and I had to deal with many other things in life.
My mother never asked me to help her in the kitchen because she wanted me to concentrate on my studies and focus on my work. She had a cook and a maid to help her instead. She raised me like she raised my brother. It was the same upbringing that we both got.
But even before marriage, my in-laws started ordering me around. Whenever my family went over, they would make me go to the kitchen and do some work or the other. I was feeling sad because my mother never made me do all this. Although at that time, mom convinced me that it was now my responsibility to care for my future family just like she had done many years ago. I tried several times to process and accept this fact. Until then, I was getting pampered. But the time had come for me to pamper the people around me... or something like that.
But how? I didn't know how or what to do. Nobody had told me how to manufacture love and distribute it as a service to others. I only saw expectations and judgements.
When weekends came, I would sleep in and wake up late. When I mentioned this to my mother-in-law, she started taunted me and used very caustic words about me. But why? It's not a crime to sleep in!
My fiance always expects me to help his mother out in the kitchen, almost obsessively, as if I really have nothing else to do. Why is everyone doing this? I'm only 25 and I still have a happy spirit. I'm still my mumma's angel. And now I need to step out of my whole life and change myself. Sometimes, I'm really sad that I was born as a girl. It didn't bother me for 25 years, but now, that is all I can think of.
Why is our life so hard? My fiance's life will still be the same. He can ask for food and someone else will cook for him. He can wake up whenever he likes.
I really hope I never have a daughter. I don't want to be evil enough to love her with every inch of my being and abandon her to struggle in a stranger's home later.