Being born in an Indian family, it was always hard to express what was inside me. I knew, I was not like others. But something was there inside me that holds me back whenever I want to confess it.
It was a usual school day and I was just in sixth standard. A boy took admission in my batch. I still remember the first day when he entered the class, and I had totally wandered into a different world. At that age, I was not aware of what was going on but all I know was I was enjoying that moment.
I was still confused what was going on. I was not able to figure it out. Moving on in my life, I noticed that I was very comfortable with girls in all the sense rather than boys. I used to play with them, talk to them and all those things that you can think of. Because of these things, and my behaviour (at that tender age), I was bullied and abused several times by my classmates, seniors and juniors too. It was normal for me to hear a word like 'Chakka', 'Hinjda', 'Ladki' and so on.
I was very depressed. And it increased when my family also started to taunt me, 'Ladkiyon vali harkate mat kar', 'Seedha khada reh'.
It is really disheartening when your own family members do this to you. Anyway, this continued till I was in ninth standard and suddenly on one typical day, while we (street friends) were playing hide and seek, one of my male friends kissed me. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't stop him. I figured that day that I was not like others. Still, I was confused about what was it.
Then in the future, I discovered that I was not different, I was just born special. I was born gay. But this word is just a social stigma in a country like India. I was even not allowed to express myself.
My life was completely different as soon as I figured who I was. I was happy. But as usual, throughout my life, I was facing the harsh reality. Moving on, it was time when I decided to go to a different city for my higher studies.
I took admission in one of the prestigious colleges in India. I was very happy because of two reasons. Firstly, I took admission and was soon too be graduated and secondly, I was away from my family where I could be myself (as I always hoped to be).
But soon this happiness turned into hell when I was treated the same way I was treated earlier. Depressed by this, I once decided to end my life, but something was there in my mind that stopped me from doing so. I thought about my family, my dreams of becoming something in the future to shut the world up.
Recalling one of the most horrific times during my hostel days, it was a usual evening and I was leaning on the corridor of my hostel and suddenly one boy came, patted on my back and said 'chal room me chal', I was scared. I resisted and a moment later, two boys joined him and pushed me towards one of the rooms in the hostel. Yes it happened to me.
I was left broken. Being a gay man, I wasn't even allowed to talk about what had happened behind those closed doors.
But thank god, we have friends. My friends are my lifeline. They supported me like anything. They accepted me the way I am. Now, moving on from a trauma, I am in a relationship with the one person I love. We live together. This is just 20% of what happened to me. There's a lot more to share but the time is short.