The First Time I Was Molested, My Father Slapped Me

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 8 November, 2017

When someone asks about my childhood, this is the only thing that comes to my mind.

I was 5 years old when the first incident happened to me. I remember those days when my cousin (who was 16 years old) used to put something in my mouth every evening. I didn't know what it was and why he was doing it, but I felt so disgusted.

I told him not to do that but he brushed it off like it was okay. But then one day, when I mustered up enough courage to tell this to my father, he slapped me and said that he didn’t believe me.

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He trusted my cousin because he cried a lot in front of my dad and told him that he did nothing like that.

Then one of my neighbours (a 15-year-old) used to come to our place to play with me and my brother (he was 4 years old). One day, he also did the same but I wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone about it after the last incident.

During summer vacations, we used to go our Nani's place, and all the children used to play together. Suddenly, I found that I and my other cousin, who was ten, were the only ones left on the terrace.

It was then that he came closer to me and started touching my genitals. I was hardly 8 years old at that time.
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I was not able to understand anything’ all I knew was that I pushed him and ran away as I was not feeling okay with all that. My favourite mama used to come to our place. I was too attached to him and like my other siblings. One day, we all were sleeping together (me, mama, my brother and sister) and in the middle of the night, I felt something on my chest (I was 13 at that time).

To my horror, I realized that my mama was trying to touching my breast. I was shocked and wanted to change my place immediately. But since there was no other place to go, I decided to change my position and shifted my head to the foot side. But then, after some time, he started touching my vagina.

I went into a mental numbness at that time, wondering how could he do it to someone like his daughter.

I cried all night and before going to school the next day, I just informed my mom and left. When I was back that day, mama was gone.

After that, two more cousins of mine tried to molest me, scarring my life. But I was too afraid to speak up. And then, there was one incident on a train when I was going to my college, and this guy was trying to touch my boobs.

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All these incidents affected me like crazy. Today, I am introverted, I cannot trust anybody. I have no friends at my college because I didn't spend my time with them. I cannot stay idle without any kind of work.

I have developed a mentality that spending time with someone meant giving him a chance to exploit me.

My family understands me better now and my dad regrets slapping me, but I lost all my faith and trust in him. Their change doesn't matter to me at all because they couldn’t be there for me when I suffered from all that trauma.

Today, wherever I stand, with no friends, low self-esteem, anxiety, it was because of all those incidents. To this day, I am haunted by them. I am now a girl who doesn't talk to anyone without any need, and people assume that I have a lot of attitude.

Now I think if this attitude can save me with all that suffering, I will wear it like a crown.
Editor's Note:

Molestation is something that can scar a person for life, especially when done by the most trusted friends and members of the family. All one wants is to be heard and supported during this phase. Share this story to raise a voice against harassment and sexual exploitation.