Only My Faith In God Made Me Ready For This Marriage

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 22 September, 2017

Like all desi parents, my parents too started looking out for rishtaas for me when I was around 23/24 years old. I did not like any of the boys who came to ‘see’ me. My parents weren’t impressed either.

I was born and raised outside India, so I have a different mentality. After seeing my other, more traditional female family members living with their stereotypical, dominating, controlling, chauvinistic husbands, I had developed a phobia against Indian men.

I continued to reject all the potential husbands who came to see me till I was 28. Frankly speaking, boys rejected me and that too for superficial reasons. Everyone else was keen to fix me up with their sons. I felt like I was only liked for my physical attributes because I was extremely fair skinned and had light eyes.

It was really pathetic that no one really asked me about my ambitions.

I was reduced to someone who would just look good and serve the family. Several more rishtaas came my way and several aunties continued to ogle at me after which I decided that I never wanted to get married.

I was done with humiliating myself and knew I was being treated like a piece of meat.

I wasn’t interested in finding anyone for myself either and decided to focus on my profession. I was past 27, when my aunt’s friend’s bahu suggested me for her devar’s cousin. Ha. Desi connections again. I wasn’t interested in seeing the dude because he was born and brought up in India and had been working outside only for the past 3 years. I met him because my parents insisted on it. I wasn’t impressed by him, except for the fact that he was the only guy who stood up for me like a gentleman when I walked into and out of the room. That really touched me.

I was still very scared of ending up with a sexist desi guy.

The scars of experiencing the desi culture had not yet healed and I realized the implications they would have on my life. I was past 27 now, so my parents started worrying and they kind of talked me into it. I remember crying and then just giving in by saying, “OK, do whatever you want!” They said, “He’s a nice guy. We never liked anyone else so far but we like him.” I reluctantly sought refuge in my faith in God and plunged into my work. 4 months before the wedding, we connected on Facebook. We started talking about how we wanted to live our lives.

He sounded too good to be true. I wondered if this dude even knew what 'being married' was actually like, in reality.

I kept finding excuses to not like him and kept telling my parents about it. They told me to break off the relationship if I wanted to. But at that point of time in my life, I had lost my ability to fight against my marriage.

My faith in God gave me the strength that I needed to plunge into it. I remember crying on the stage on the wedding day because I recollected all that I had gone through so far.

On the wedding night itself, from the moment we sat in our car to go to my sasuraal, I realized that he was such a caring guy. After a few days and eventually weeks after our marriage, I realized that he was indeed too good to be true. We have been married for nearly 6 months now and I still can’t believe how lucky I am. We have our share of arguments nearly every day because we have been raised in different cultures. But I know that I wouldn’t have found a better man myself. My dad had said, “He is really a nice guy.” He got that right.

Author's Note:

Parents have no right to force their kids to get married to someone. They should never use physical threats or emotional manipulation to do so. At the end of the day, it was my decision to not break my engagement and I had left it to God.

No matter how much you fight, at the end of the day just remember that God has a plan for you. I feel I was blessed to be with my husband because I had endured a lot of pain in my life before meeting him. Sometimes, it’s best to stop fighting and leave it all to God.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because there is so much we can all really learn from this beautiful girl’s experiences. We can casually dismiss this as just another story or we can consciously bring about a change in our thinking. We have a choice. Always.