My 'Would Be' Mother-In-Law Already Thinks I Have Changed Her Son

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 7 August, 2017

My 'would be' mother-in-law already thinks that I have changed her son. It started about three months back, when a suitor came to meet me. Well, I am having an arranged marriage with this guy, whom both I and my parents approved.

We met him through a matrimonial site where my 'self-descriptions', matched with his 'preference of bride'. It was all about 'passionate about what she does'. My bad, I had taken the literal meaning. My parents contacted his parents. They met me, (read: tested me, whether I suited their son or not).

I didn't have a conventional job. Rather, I didn't have any job, though I earned sometimes. In few words, I had no stable income. Though I have a good qualification and everything required to be the bride model. This was the only criteria that the suitor's mom didn't like. This was my USP for marriage. That I didn't have a fixed job and I could switch or relocate or do any change in accordance with my husband. To make things clear, I must give my background to you guys. I belong to a very liberal family, wherein, my parents never forced me to do anything that I didn't like. Rather I have always been taught, "Do whatever you like, but give your heart and soul into it."

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I also learnt something about myself. I am not meant for a proper career, an 8 to 5 job. I like to do things as they fit me. All my life I have seen my papa being transferred here and there by the company he worked for. I have seen my mother quitting her job, shifting with him, changing my school. I have grown seeing her accepting whatever condition life gave her and finding happiness in it. I guess, after I turned 5, she didn't have a job. She had changed her job thrice after her marriage. With my father's so frequent transfers, she simply couldn't work.

It was then I learnt from her, it isn't really bad being a house wife. It's not easy either. In fact both, house wives and working women have their challenges. I have grown up seeing my mother learning new things, working with under privileged children etc. May be that's where I found my heart. After completing my masters I worked for 2 years. But honestly I wasn't happy. I came back home, and started working with my mother. By then my father had retired, we got finally settled in one place and my mother being aged too, had lessened her work. I took up from there. It started with teaching dance to the kids.

My students increased and so did my ideas. I convinced my neighbouring friends and they took several responsibilities. Like one teaching poetry, another chess, one embroidery etc. Somehow this news went to the Councillor of our ward and we were called. I got a show for my students. That's where it started. My 'earning' started. We generally have 3-4 shows in a month, sometimes zero and sometimes more than 5. As I said, I do not have any stable income.

According to my suitor's mother, what I do is useless, since it is not steady. After distributing the money among the kids I am left with very little. I never knew this would be a problem. My parents were proud of me. Now hen this guy came to meet me, his mom's description didn't match with what he saw. He came next week, and then again next week. And then he suddenly announced, he could not marry anyone but me. I was in seventh heaven, I was so glad that he understood me, felt about me just like my parents did.

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That's where the problem started. His mother suddenly started thinking that I was changing her son and convincing him to think my way. Since previously he never liked women who lived on their parents' or husband's money. Suddenly his son was thinking differently. He was thinking that "It's okay not to earn and do something that actually helps someone, unless you’re 'not working status' is a burden to your family." 

Since then, his mother whines and complains. I know you all must be thinking I am stupid to waste my time, my education and that his mother's thinking is correct. But what am I to do? I love doing this. What do I do? I am afraid if marrying me will spoil his relation with his mother permanently. Only one month is left before the wedding.

What if he later resents me for spoiling his relation with his mother? Am I responsible for this? I didn’t force him to marry me. Yes, I definitely loved the fact that he supports me, but again I do not want to start a relation with sour beginnings with such an important person of his life! 

Editor's Note:

It requires great passion and determination, in order to do something out of the societal norm of earning. The society must encourage the youth in following their dreams. Share this story if any of your friends are stuck in a similar dilemma.