It's been more than a decade since we have been married. Every single day, I am contemplating to move out of this marriage and now there is a little man in our lives who is too smart in every way. Even now, he is staring straight at me with those twinkly eyes. He will need a father for now and for his future.
I have been cheated on behind my back, false promised, fooled and physically hurt by this man whom I got married to.
1. “You should not be considered important anymore in your life, I and my son are your only preferences.”
2. “You have achieved nothing in your life for you to be so proud of yourself and your family.”
3. “You will be crushed by your higher authorities at work because of your attitude and that day I will be the happiest person on earth.”
4. “Get out of my house now.”
5. “You need to cook and serve food to my parents.”
6. “Your parents did nothing for me.”
7. “One day you will be raped by three men on the streets for all that audacity you show.”
8. “Start saving money for the family and don’t spend unnecessarily on clothes, thereby collecting garbage inside the house, oh by the way I bought a helmet worth 60k last Friday.” These are the least of horrible statements and ill words which I have heard repeatedly over these years. I had not even perceived all this as abuse until a couple of years ago. I have been very kind to him and his family till two years back. He treats this marriage as a business deal. He says, “If you do this for me, I might think about doing the things you ask for.”
There is no love, there is no freedom. I have tried my best to save this marriage at every stage.
Last year, I even moved in with my parents, who live in the same compound. They were taking care of my kid while I was away at work. He came back after a month to take us back. I even made a deal with him to meet a psychiatrist who is also a counsellor.
Things seemed to be improving over the year, but now I'm back in the same situation where I was at the same time last year. I am not able to believe him anymore or trust his character and his words.
He started finding happiness in my sufferings, poking at my weaknesses every time. I'm upset all the time because of him, and all my time is consumed in replaying our dirty past for every little thing going wrong between us. The only difference this time is that I'm not trying to convince him of my integrity.
I'm pretty sure he isn't the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I always wanted to marry someone who will be a friend to me, who would support me and pick me up when I'm down.
Even though I'm a financially independent and self-motivated woman in general, I give advice to a lot of people around me and try to help everyone I know. I'm the type of person who always wants to be around happy and mentally strong people and lastly, I fear karma. What should I do now? Give things time? Wait for a change or be the change?