I was brought up in a loving family. I got married at a very young age. I was only 24 at that time. It was a perfect arranged marriage. I felt I could not have asked for anything better than this. It was really too good to be true. Everything was fine in the beginning and all this almost felt like a dream.
I thought he would take good care of me but I was wrong. I did not know that this was just the lull before the storm actually arrived in my life.
I was a strong woman and I yearned to be loved unconditionally by the man of my dreams. I did not really think that I was asking for too much by expecting this. And that was the biggest mistake of my life.
He showed his true colours as the wedding day approached. But like all other Indian families who live in our extremely backward society, we chose to save our family’s honour and ignored all the signs of potential problems. A lot of drama happened before and after our wedding. It was all about the dowry and the marriage preparations.
I had hoped that he would be my dream man but he just took advantage of the fact that I was the only daughter of my parents. Yes, that was how spineless he was. He was also a very good actor.
He was a gentleman to the world but not to me. He mentally harassed me and even stooped so low as to force me to commit suicide. I was clueless about why he had wanted to ruin my life.
He even tried to prove that I was mentally unstable.
He is over 6 feet in height and I am 5 feet 4 inches tall. This is the average height of girls in India. Even after he gave his consent for our marriage, he tortured me for my height and said I was short compared to him.
Each and every day of our marriage was like physical and mental torture for me. His entire family was sick for money. Later on, I also came to know about his relationships with other girls. Most of them were his online friends.
One day, I found a chat that he had with one of his friends in which he said that he was planning to harass me and my family so that I would sue him for divorce.
I was unaware that he was playing a game with my family and me. When I asked him about all these things, he pretended that he was sorry. Sometimes, he would just stop having sex with me and say, “I am doing it only because you want it. I am not interested in you.” He would say, “I don’t love you. I tried to love you but I am still not able to love you. I know that I will never be able to love you.”
He tried very hard to put me down and eventually he sent me back home after eight months of our marriage. I was blindly in love with him. I followed all his instructions like a good wife. I was quite a homely girl. But my life had become no less than hell for me.
I realized that he had just used me for sex and money. He hadn’t really loved me in any way at all.
I was depressed. I kept searching for reasons for all that was happening in my life. I wondered about what was wrong with me. What was the need for him to come back to me after a year? Why did he want to ruin my life? I was an ‘obedient wife’ and I had always performed my duties well. Yet he tortured me for every little thing. My life had been perfect till he entered into it. My childhood had been perfect.
But today, for no particular fault of mine, I am a 26-year-old separated woman who is eagerly awaiting her divorce so that I can break free of him. I know it was not my fault.
When a man decides to fall out of love with a woman, he will break off the relationship regardless of the pain he is causing in the woman’s life. And we women end up paying the price. He had never loved me. In fact, he had married me for my money and to get physical pleasure for a few days. And when he was done with me, he sent me back to my mother.
I felt used in my marriage by my own husband.
I am a teacher by profession but today I feel as if I am just a woman who was sent back home by her husband. I am thankful for the support that I got from my family and friends. But I don’t believe in love and marriage now.