My Parents Haven't Seen My Son And Met Me In 3 Years Because I Married The Man I Loved

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 27 June, 2017

I hope I can toss the coin of life again, and flip it upside down. I am 28 today, and I have been married for the past 4 years. Just 4 years has changed everything for me. Yes, it was an early marriage, I was dating my boyfriend for only a year, and he's a very nice guy. But things changed because I eloped to marry him.

We are from the same caste and my parents even knew him. They met him at my cousin's marriage, and he was the bride's brother. So yes, my maternal bhabhi is now my sister-in-law. But my parents were against it because he didn't have a house of his own, and had to pay rent to keep a roof over his head. He's also average looking, compared to me. He also ran a business that wasn't stable at the time. I am my parents' only child and they wanted to marry me off in a big way to someone with a well paying job. But cupid struck. We used to talk on the phone and chat all the time. I decided to marry him despite knowing that my parents wouldn't approve. He was not the person my parents would have picked for me.

We decided to get married in a temple and then show my parents the marriage certificate.
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At that time, I was training for some entrance exams in my mausi's town. I was away from my hometown, but I was in his place. His parents didn't object as they were looking for someone exactly like me. We married in his hometown itself.

So we got hitched. I came back to my town afterwards. I started eluding my mother, who was more of a friend to me and could read my face if something was wrong. To avoid any awkward situations with her, I started doing a 9-6 job, and in the evening, I used to talk to my husband.

Slowly, whenever we spoke, I would involve his name in the conversation. My mother would ask me why I was still in touch with him and I would tell her that I would only marry him. Then she would ask me not to, explaining why his financial status wasn't suitable, she would call it the 'ulta rishta'. They had given our family their girl, so we couldn't send a girl of our own to them. They had touched the feet of our family members during my cousin's wedding, and we couldn't do that in return.

Time passed, and it was already 4 months since I was married. I was unable to convince my mother. I had no guts to talk to my father, with his diabetes and delicate health. My father owns a business and he wouldn't even be at home from morning to night. And during the weekends, he would be busy in front of the TV. I was so frightened to tell him, always remembering the beatings I used to get from him during my childhood and teenage years.

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I kept quiet and my secret was killing me inside. I wasn't able to focus on anything- not my job, neither my exams, nor my family. I used to talk about it with my boyfriend and he would ask me to wait, saying that things would change with time. But nothing changed. So late one night, I told him we should run away from home for a month. At least then, everybody would come to know, and no one could stop me from staying with him after that. He was astonished. He asked me to calm down and wait for a more favourable time, and I was disappointed that I hadn't told my parents about my marriage yet. My father had no clue about him.

No matter how much time went by, nothing changed. I decided to quit life. I couldn't tell my parents anything, but I wanted to be with him. I was depressed. I called him one last time to say goodbye. When he realized what was on my mind, he stopped me from harming myself and agreed to run away.

We both eloped to Nepal where nobody could find us.

We were gone for a month. We returned to his town after a month and turned on our mobile phones. There were hundreds of missed calls. We came to know that my parents were looking for me there and were staying at my mausi's place. I went to my in-laws' place first, and they welcomed me like the new bride. Then I called my parents to meet us.

Next morning, when I met my parents, I was shocked to see that they had come in a group of 13 people. We had arguments about what I had done, then they told me again to consider his financial status. How he paid rent, didn't have a good job, had an unstable business. And I told them that he manages this family, and he will achieve things as time passes. But nobody was willing to listen to me. I was asked to choose between my husband and my parents. I was shocked- after all this, after running away and everything, I had come to this situation.

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I chose him, but I didn't want to lose my parents. I begged them to approve of my marriage. They called it a trap, not a marriage. I came back to my in-laws' place and life went on like this for a year. I started working in a school. I hadn't gone home in all that time, so I would talk to my mother over the phone. She would ask me to leave him, saying that the 'ulta rishta' was not appropriate. They came to our town twice, we met in resorts, and they would explain the same thing all over again.

I decided to focus on my new family and wait for things to change. Every parent shows anger in the beginning of a 'love marriage', right? Now it's been 4 years. Nothing has changed. I'm the mother of an 18 month old boy. They still ask me to bring the child, and leave my husband behind. We are still living in a rented home, but we have purchased a plot of land where we will build a home in the next few years. His business is running very well, and we are saving funds.

It is still not good enough for them. They still want me to come back. They still want me to choose between them and my husband.

Who will listen to my heart? How can I leave my child's father because of some 'ulta rishta' explanation? I have not married my brother. I have, of course, married my bhabhi's brother.

With each passing day, my tension for my parents' health increases but still I'm in no condition to look after them. I have not seen them for 3 years. My parents have not seen my baby till now. What next to ask from god?

I can only hope that things will change.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because what in an 'ulta rishta' in the 21st century?