I was naive enough to fall for his sweet words. I think it happened because I knew him since I was a little girl. He was my childhood friend. Although we lived in different cities, we stayed in touch through Facebook, as we grew up.
I had a boyfriend, but he was a jerk and I was quite unhappy in my relationship with him. When I mentioned this to my friend, he jumped at the opportunity and proposed to me. I rejected him because I thought things would work out between me and my boyfriend and because I had no feelings for my friend. Things became awkward between us after my rejection and slowly we lost contact with each other. In the meantime, I came to know that my boyfriend had been cheating on me for a long time and so I broke up with him.
It was a difficult time for me. It was during this time that my friendship with my childhood friend revived once again. He would check on me regularly and was extremely sweet and caring towards me. I was charmed by his sweet talk. I liked the feeling of being loved and cared for.
After being cheated upon by my boyfriend, I felt like my childhood friend was the perfect guy and I started coming closer to him.
He wasn't good looking and I didn't care about his looks, because my ex was handsome and I had learnt from my past that external beauty didn't matter.
I started falling for him. He knew everything about me, even about my past relationship and loved me despite all this - I thought I wouldn't find another guy like him to get married to. And so, I called him and told him that I wanted to marry him. Yes, I had a "self-arranged" marriage. We tried to work out our relationship even though we were in a long distance relationship. In my mind, I was already married to him. I was so dedicated to this relationship that I looked after all his needs and fulfilled all my duties of a girlfriend. We fought with our parents and after trying to convince them for a long time, finally got married.
Thus, began my trauma.
Only after marrying my childhood friend did I come to know about his double life. He would often drink, smoke and party till late night every weekend. He even took debts to live this life. I was shocked to know this facet of his character. When I questioned him about this, he started physically abusing me.
He behaved hysterically. I just didn't know who this man was - one day he would be like his old self and talk sweetly to me and then the next day, the same face would be replaced with a dangerous personality. Within few months of my marriage, I wanted to commit suicide but every day I tried to be stronger than the previous one.
I continue to be physically, mentally and emotionally abused. My parents only want me to try and change my husband and sort things out between us. Years have passed by like this but nothing has changed. Instead of trying to change my husband, I have changed into a depressed person.
How can I live my entire life with a PSYCHO? I understand I made a mistake by marrying the wrong guy, but it doesn't mean that I should get punished by staying with him my entire life.
I fear for my life. I fear he may kill me one day.
I pray to God for some miracle so that I wouldn't have to see his face ever again. I want to have a fresh start but there's no one here to help me.