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My Father Is Made Of Abuse From Head To Toe And I Refuse To Respect Him

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am a 25-year-old boy and this story is about my relationship with my father. The only introduction I want to give about my father is that he is a father-like figure and elder brother to 3 brothers and 1 sister. He comes from a village background, and he left home, started his career at the age of 18. He guided the family effectively, that’s all. He acted the same way all his life and never tried to be a daddy to us.

Ours is a family of 4 members. My Mom, Dad, my brother and myself.

My father is a senior manager in a top company, my brother is 3 years elder to me, married and has a son. He is perfectly managing his family and also acting like a father to me. Unlike other children, I don’t cherish any sweet childhood memories with my father like teaching me how to ride bicycle, shopping, travelling together etc. The only memories I have are abusing, breaking stuff, blaming, slaps, sticks, etc. This goes not just for me but for my mother and brother too. It’s not that he is an alcoholic or an addict. During his whole life, he never even touched a cigarette or other similar substances Being a private employee, I have also come across many two-faced people but never seen someone like my father. While in his social life, he acts like a pure and perfect gentleman but as soon as he enters the home, the whole scenario turns upside down. The only philosophy of his life as much as we understand is “If something is to be done, it should only be done in the way I tell you it should be done, otherwise you don’t deserve to live”. The problem is not that he guides us, but the problem is that he forces us to follow him.

I know every father wants his children to follow his guidance but at the same time he also wants his son to develop his own methods with the experience of life.

Due to this behaviour, now none of his brothers or sister respects him. They don’t even acknowledge him as a part of the family because of his unnecessary interference in their families. Right from childhood, I have witnessed my mother being abused for little mistakes which we didn’t even consider worth reacting. I have seen my brother being abused and beaten to the ground just because his haircut was not short enough to satisfy my father’s expectations. I remember once I went to the market with my father on a scooter. When we came home, I was carrying a plastic bag of potatoes and walking behind him on the way home. There was a hole in the plastic bag which enlarged and suddenly all the potatoes spilt on the floor. My father saw this but didn’t react. Seeing the potatoes on the floor my mother rushed with a basket and collected all the potatoes and at the same time was convincing me that it’s alright, but her words were covering her deep fears.

When we entered our house, my father slapped me so hard that my ears started bleeding.

My mother tried to stop him but he slapped her too. I saw tears in my mother’s eyes but she just hugged me and took me away from him. I was 12 years old at that time. I have faced this situation many times in the past but that day I lost all the respect I had for my father. By the time I started my career I learned to ignore his abuses. I have climbed a long way up my career ladder. My brother has always supported me at every step. It is just because of my brother that I am a manager and earning well but I have seen no change in my father’s behaviour. He never hesitates to abuse or raise his hand on my brother even in front of bhabhi. My brother told my father many times to avoid doing such things now but it doesn’t matter to my father. I remember, a month ago, one day my brother was filling water in his cooler. By mistake, the water overflowed and some water spilt on the floor. This was enough to trigger my father and his abuses started.

That day my brother lost his patience and raised a hand on my father before my father could hit him. Then my father started abusing my mom saying “tu hi mere baccho main mere khilaaf zehar bhar rahi hai..” Around 3 days ago, I went to the market to buy something my father asked me to. I spent Rs. 25 extra on the same thing but bought the same product of branded quality and 1-year warranty. As soon as my father came to know about it, the first reaction was a slap on my face. That day even my patience ran out and I slapped him back and held his throat before he could move. His face turned red and eyes were ready to come out. All this happened in front of my brother and my mother but no one stopped me from doing this. My bhabhi came and stopped me.

After being separated from him, I erupted with everything in my heart and spoke out every word of abuse my father ever said to me.

I also said to my father that “teri arthi ko kandha bhi nahi dene aaunga..”, after which my brother shushed me and took me away. My father silently heard everything but did not utter a single word. Since then, no one in the family talks to my father. I now think that was it my mother who taught us to disrespect our father by making us tolerate his abuse or was it my father himself who never realized that his behaviour was turning us against him. I know my mother never taught us anything against our father, on the contrary, she always wanted us to realize that it is my father’s background and nature. Internally he loves us. Whatever the reason is, I know one thing for sure, I can never love, respect or obey my father anymore. All I wanted him to be was a dad and not a father-figure like an elder brother to his family.

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