Why Leaving My Home To Marry My Muslim Boyfriend Was The Best Decision Of My Life

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 11 March, 2017

I met my husband in college, we were mere classmates till we were formally introduced by common friends. We soon became inseparable, madly in love with each other.

There was everything common between me and him, except for religion, which was the greatest obstacle in our path of getting married. I was a Brahmin, and he was a Muslim.

We decided to focus on our college studies and careers and do well so that we could make our parents proud and ultimately convince them to allow us to get married. Unfortunately, despite both of us completing our MBAs and getting good jobs, my parents did not approve of the match and I had to leave my home, my parents and my culture behind, to be with the love of my life.

Advertisement

My father had warned me about how badly I will be treated by my in-laws, how I will be physically and mentally tortured, that I will be forced to quit my career and be a housewife, that I will be forced to eat non-vegetarian food. As per my father, my husband's community is known for keeping women between four walls of the house, and making them a victim of male chauvinism by treating them as a free-of-cost maid in the house.

But I did not agree with my father's opinion and trusted my boyfriend's promise of letting me be what I am and that I will not have to change myself. Till today I am happy and proud of my decision of marrying my husband. It's not only my husband but also my in-laws (whom my dad had predicted to be conservative because they are muslims) who have supported me the most in my career.

I was not only accepted by all the extended family members with open arms but also given the warmth and comfort by going out of the way so that I don't feel that I am with people of a different culture. I was neither forced to give up my jeans, skirts and trousers, nor was I told to have non-vegetarian food. In fact a maid was appointed for completing all household chores and cook vegetarian food separately for me. This was done to ensure that I am able to concentrate on my career and don't have to worry about household chores.

By the time I reach home from office, my room is clean, dinner ready and laundry done. The household chores are done by my maid but it's my mother-in -aw who supervises and takes care of everything and everyone.

Advertisement
I am not treated like a daughter-in-law but like a daughter by my Muslim in-laws, who were called conservative and narrow-minded by my father.

Not only household chores, my father-in-law became my buddy with whom I discuss my day and my job. He advises me and shares his experiences with me as even he was a banker. My mother-in-law prays for my success in my career, just like she prays for her sons. It has not been easy either for them as there are relatives who have advised them to force me to quit my job but such advises never trickle down to me.

In fact I have seen my in-laws feeling very happy for my success and they've been my pillars of strength whenever I've faced failure. Today, after nine years of marriage, I consider myself the luckiest married woman.

Though there have been and there are some disagreements in the family, they are very trivial and common, which are bound to happen in any family and have nothing to do with religious background of the family.

To conclude, I understand that there are women who have not had successful love marriages, especially inter-religion. There are women who have been not been happy in inter-caste marriages but there are also women in arranged marriages, married in the same community, who are not happy.

Advertisement
Happiness in marriage and it's success has nothing to do with the culture in which we are getting married, it is partly destiny and partly adjustment capacity of both the bride and the in-laws.

Today I am a mother of a year old boy, who is looked after by my in-laws. I am never given a guilt trip for not being able to give enough time to my son. On the contrary, they fulfil my duties towards my son and our family, so that I am able to realise my dream of becoming the chairman of a big bank, one day. I will, Insha Allah, as I have my mom and papa's duas with me. 

Editor's Note:

It doesn't matter if a marriage is love or arranged, what matters is if you're happy in it and it's the people who keep you happy, not the culture. Share this story because you hardly get to hear of such happy endings and each one of us could use such optimism.