Just Before The Nikah, They 'Jokingly' Called Off The Wedding
Here I am, with my broken heart, dead soul and numbed eyes. With all my bits torn apart, I am constantly seeing flashbacks of my life, in front of my eyes. It started during our teenage. We were so much in love that nothing seemed to appear better than our bond. Time flew just like that. We were together for almost ten years before we got married. His family seemed very good in the beginning, but as we started getting serious about marriage, they began behaving strangely with me and my family.
They would set forth strange demands like asking for a twelve-seater dining table, nine-seater sofa set, cash for a car, etc. When we asked them, what do they mean by this, they would just let it go by saying that it was a joke. His sister would tell me things like I am going to be considered a maid in their home.Share this quote
When I confronted my man about this, his sister would tell him that she was only joking. Anyhow, the date got fixed and finally, we were getting married. My dad took a huge loan, to maintain their "dignity" in front of my in-laws, exactly the way they wanted the arrangements to be.
When we were on the stage, right before the nikah ceremony, my father-in-law asked my husband to call off the marriage, because they could still marry him off to a doctor. Somehow, this was also just a “joke”.Share this quote
So we got married and here starts the real story. As a newly married girl, I was nervous, anxious, full of hopes and dreams. But the other party seemed unhappy. Nobody gave me the kind of comfort or warmth that a new member of a family would get. Anyhow, things were going on. Just four days into our marriage, I saw a girl’s text on my husband’s phone. She was asking him to forgive her and she was trying to make him understand that she had not slept with somebody else. Suddenly, I was in a state of shock. I was holding myself in disbelief because I could not comprehend what was happening with me. But the next day, when I interrogated him about it, he started beating me ruthlessly. When I called my mom and told her this, she called his mom and dad.
When I told them the whole story, his father said that the medical field is very dirty. His mother said that this is why we didn’t want this girl to come in our home. His mom advised me to ignore such things.Share this quote
His parents threatened me to keep quiet. They asked me to call my parents to ask them not to come and I did as I was told. All of them abused me and threatened me as if I was the one who did something wrong. My husband said that I should forget this incident and move forward and that he will make changes in himself and our life could be beautiful, blah blah. I believed him again and forgave him. But after this, all my in-laws started bullying me. My mother-in-law started abusing my mom and they started telling me how they feel about the fact that I have not got sufficient things from my parents, on my wedding. They told me that all the arrangements in the wedding were not up to the mark.
Every other day, they would pass spiteful comments regarding my furniture, marriage arrangements, jewelry etc. But I kept mum as I was very scared of them. I went into depression. I would hardly speak.Share this quote
They didn’t allow me to visit my home for almost a month after marriage and I didn’t utter a word or react. Within two months, I found out that I was pregnant. I was suffering from typhoid, for over a month, when I found out. Their mental torture landed me in the hospital bed, as my pulse was not detectable. Anyhow, I survived. The doctor advised to get me admitted, to stay away from mental trauma at home, but they refused and said they would arrange good care at their own home since they themselves are into the hospital business. Despite my poor health, I continued to do the household chores. My mother-in-law would insult my mother every time she would come to visit me. My mother would leave crying, without saying a word.
Time flew, and the day of my delivery came. I delivered a baby boy. I assumed that things might get better now. Everybody loved him.Share this quote
But it turned out they loved him so much that they didn’t want me to take my baby in my own arms. My mother-in-law would always take away my baby from me, and not give him back to me. She even started making him sleep with her. When I asked my husband about it, he asked me to leave things as is or else his mom would get upset. I didn’t say anything.
Like a mad person, I would go to her room at night just to see if he is alright.Share this quote
Whenever I had to go somewhere, my mother-in-law would say that the baby will not go with me. Whether it would be my relative's wedding, or an outing, or even a visit to my mom's house, many a times she would say that the baby will stay with her. Again, my husband would teach me that his beloved parents would get upset if he confronts them. I would keep mum. Whenever I had to visit my mother, I had to take permission from his mother. She would ask me to take permission from my father-in-law. I would be permitted to go only if his mood was okay. Things went on like that.
Apart from being their housemaid, I was also a masseuse. I massaged my sister-in-law’s feet for hours on end, when she was pregnant. My only will to keep going, was the hope that they would accept me.Share this quote
I had done so much in my pregnancy also. And even after pregnancy, I did each and everything. But they were still not happy with my efforts, and they would say that I don’t do anything. I’d make food and my mother-in-law would tell everyone that she had made it. When I told my husband about this, he again taught me the same thing. His sister would come over daily, she never missed a day. She would insult me, and pass comments along with her mom, I would say nothing to them, but I would just tell my husband about it all, and he asked me to keep quiet. But one day, after 14-15 months of my marriage, and after many days I got to know through video calling, that my mom was seriously ill. I asked my husband's permission to visit my home. He asked his mom and she furiously stared at me and went away without saying anything. I lost my temper at that point and I yelled at my husband, saying that why would she be worried about my mother. She came back and started yelling at me, abusing me and she made my husband beat me badly in front of her. She told my husband that I could go but the baby would not go anywhere. Anyhow, I called my mother to take me home with her and managed to get away from there. His father, even at that point, also threatened me and my family. Then, after four days passed, his father came and asked me to resolve the issues and come back home. My mom told me that I should go along with him if he is insisting. I went back.
All his brothers and sisters would laugh at me, comment on me and humiliate me.Share this quote
He saw everything but didn’t speak a word in my defence. I started appearing lesser, in front of them. I would go and hide whenever his sister visited. I started to shy away from their meetings, as they usually humiliated me in front of each other. I would do my work or go in my room. I would just sit with them as much as it was necessary, and not any more than that. But they didn’t like this approach of mine. They wanted me to sit in the centre and face all the humiliation. My husband would go to work in the morning and come home only at night, most days. And then, most of the time, his whole family would sit and fill his ears against me. He would come to me, abusing me, yelling at me or threatening me with divorce.
When things reached to the extent that I started getting suffocated, I often started thinking of suicide.Share this quote
Then one day, I asked them, why do they humiliate me so much and why do they insult me and my family? Just this one day, that I demanded respect, my mother-in-law started putting false accusations on me, she said that I didn’t give her even a cup of tea, once in these 2 years. She claimed that I don’t do any household work. And when I asked my husband to defend me, he again told me to keep quiet and say sorry to his mom.
Now it was high time. I had had enough. I stood firmly and said that I will not apologize, because I haven’t done anything wrong.Share this quote
I was trying to save my marriage from the beginning. His father came and abused me, he told me that he has so much money and well-off sources that I could not do anything against him. He forced me to write on record that I want to leave their house by my own will, and when I refused to do so, he stood up to beat me.
Thankfully, the man inside my husband woke up for a few seconds and he stopped his father by saying that, “Papa you leave her, and I will teach her a better lesson”. His father told me that he would kill me if I try doing anything against him.Share this quote
He even told his wife that she should have beaten me up and the rest he would have taken care of. I was alone in their home, and they kept on threatening and abusing me. And finally, his father said, “this is my house and this girl cannot stay here anymore.” She should take her clothes and move away from here. And the most surprising thing was, ‘my man’ was being the deaf and dumb audience watching the show. He is least bothered about my baby and me. It has been more than twenty days, and he hasn't even called me up. He just shows people how much he loves his baby. But he does this just for people's sympathy.
I hate that man more than anything now. I am dealing with a mental trauma and trying to get out of this nightmare.
Share this story because we need to talk about the dirt (patriarchy) embedded in our society.