Should I call myself a 25-year-old young girl or a divorced lady? My parents were searching for a match for me, a year back, as my daadi was not keeping well and as I was her favourite child, she wanted me to get married in her presence. She was a devotional lady and a very positive person. So, my parents started to look for a match for me because as per the Indian society, girls should get married ASAP. My parents belong to a middle-class family and they were looking for someone who also belongs to a similar family stature.

They didn’t demand much from the groom, just that he should be well educated, a hardworking boy and obviously he should keep me happy.

There was a guy from our family friend’s family, and we knew him since my childhood. His sister was divorced. As per our knowledge, she got separated after 1.5 months of her marriage. I would talk to her randomly because our family knew each other. As far as we knew, her brother was a really good prospect, as he is the youngest in his family, but he would look after everyone and really supported his sister in her bad times. My parents really liked him and asked me about him. I was a young journalist and told my family if they like him then I don't have any problem. They told me to talk to him. We spoke to each other for a week and found that we have a good connection. He always wanted a working girl as his partner and someone who would adjust with his family. I liked his thought process and our families met. We got engaged at a small get together. After our engagement, we would meet often, and I started learning about his family and it seemed like they were very much orthodox. I told him clearly that I don't believe in such things.

I believe in God a lot but not things like, if you wash your hair on Thursday, something bad will happen.

He knew my grandmother, so I gave him her example as she is a devotional lady but she never taught us such things. She just kept us positive and taught us to follow God and work hard. As I was an educated young girl, he just said okay. On small things, we would fight but then we would fix it soon enough. Sometimes, when his sister and mother spoke to me, they would say things to me like, I am expected to cook heavenly things at home and I would ask them who cooks such food at home.

Sometimes, I did complain to my mom that what the hell is wrong with them and why do they pressurize for such things. My mom and dad always said to me that we can call off the wedding if I am not okay with it.

But then I thought that such things and such changes come into every girl’s life and I should accept it. After some days, when our wedding preparation began, I said that I want a simple wedding, but my fiancé’s sister refused. She said that the wedding should be grand with a big Punjabi function along with all the side functions. We agreed because they were not asking for any dowry.

After some time, they gave us a huge list of their family members so that we could prepare some hampers as well. We agreed thinking that this normally happens in Punjabi weddings.

Our wedding came closer and so did the functions. My dad gave an amount to my fiancé, for whatever household things we wanted to buy for our future home as they were not giving us any stuff. Other than that, we gave them so many gifts including whatever they asked for. Finally, we got married and up until a month, everything was good. After some time, things started changing and I realized that his sister doesn't let me do my duties, it was as if she didn't want me to learn. And even their orthodox thinking was too much to take. Periods were a hype for them, they would send me for a bath right away. Then I was not allowed to touch some things at their home. I was surprised but I accepted.

They would forbid me from entering the kitchen in the morning because I would come from the bedroom. Their logic was that we might have had sex so I am impure and untouchable then.

They had several rules. Whenever me and my husband fought, they would lecture me that I should obey my husband and listen to whatever he is saying. I used to keep quiet. Even being a working and smart girl, I never showed them any sort of attitude or misbehaved with them. After 2-3 months of marriage, I started falling sick.

Read the next part here: I Could Not Let My Orthodox Marriage Get In The Way Of My Independence

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