I met a wonderful smart caring man. An Indian man while we were international students in America. I am Spanish, I love your culture, your people, I really do!
We married, had children, and then got divorced. To this date I feel terrible for having left him, for breaking the family and for not being able to offer my children a united stable home.
The truth is, I could not deal with two things. First, the gender inequality in the relationship. He was so smart that he was always right or his decision was the final one! I too was working but I couldn’t choose the furniture or even a cushion in the house without his approval.
Second, I couldn’t deal with the politics of the very dominating and controlling women in his life. The mother and the sister!
Our little family was not independent. I was seen as an addition to his family, rather than the partner of a new little family. My opinion did not matter.
It was his mother who did all the planning of our real estate investment against my will and in her name. It was those women who were telling my husband that we shouldn’t buy a bigger house even if we could afford it. But it was perfectly fine for his sister to have bigger more expensive houses! I still remember his sister calling him 3 times a day every day to coordinate his mom’s visits/vacations with him and sending the mother to our house for 3-4 months in a year.
She would then impose herself on us by being loud. She would be on the phone all the time speaking in a dialect that I couldn’t understand even though she speaks English.
She was always giving me the attitude that I was too lucky for marrying her son and that I wasn’t a good wife for not cooking Indian food or for not calling her “Mummy!”
Today, I am an educated, professional single mom struggling to find good employment. I am paying my mortgage, taking care of the kids and living far away from my own family/parents.
I am heartbroken for “being the bad of the story!” For leaving a bright man because I couldn’t take the way they (him and his family) made me feel.
I am lonely. I am scared. I wonder if I will ever have a beautiful family or if I will ever find someone who respects and loves me and my kid(s). Both, staying or leaving him were difficult choices. I left him out of respect for my dignity and here I am struggling alone.
- A Spanish immigrant in America with a broken heart.