Relationships can take you to the 7th heaven and leave you with butterflies in your stomach, mine did too. But staying loyal was not enough in my story. My relationship was like a ticking time bomb. When it went off, I was just left with questions, with no answer in sight and a pinch in the heart.

We had been dating for a while, but for the past few days, I could sense that something was wrong but the questions couldn’t come out. I was trying to get to the root of what actually went wrong; his ignorance towards me for the last few days had left me in a dilemma. He talked to me when he wanted and ignored me again when he felt like it. I tried not to pester too much thinking he might be stuck in his professional life. But the things weren’t normal at all. As ours was a long distance relationship, you can’t just stand in front of them and demand answers. With every passing day, I felt like I was getting dragged along chained to my past.

My smooth sailing relationship was now becoming a burden. After patiently waiting for more than a month and after going through a lot of his excuses (I don’t want to screw up my career, I am in office), I finally mustered up the confidence and I texted him asking “DO U WANT TO END IT BETWEEN US?” and although I knew what the response would be, I waited in hope until I got exactly the answer that I had feared – “YES”.

I can’t put into words the feelings I had at the moment as tears instantly started rolling down my cheeks.  I kept asking the exact reason why he was breaking up with me, just some clarity to understand what had happened but he kept giving me roundabout answers which I just could not accept. Finally, he confessed after a lot of relentless questioning.

It was fear that drove him away. I had told him a few months that I would tell my parents about us. I felt like I had really found someone whom I could be proud of and I was excited by the idea of introducing him to them.

He kept telling me that he would be going for higher studies and it won’t be easy to manage things between us. I really don’t have any answer to that. I am an independent girl whose parents did not interfere in my career choice but I was heartbroken for the first time because of his approach to relationships. I feel numb inside now that I know that the man I love is fearful of making a commitment. What more can you expect when your loved one suddenly turns into a stranger? He does not want to settle down. But being a girl I can’t expect to follow him around everywhere he goes while he waits to take his own sweet time making a decision. A settled career is my professional dream too but for us girls, every time we change even our house locality (forget city), it is a massive change for us. It is obliviously not a cake walk for us. I accept that it changes a guy’s life too but they don’t have a bunch of unknown people observing your every movement all the time.

I chose not to be “friends” with him after we broke up. And I am proud of my decision. You left me with a knot in my heart.
Sometimes I feel anger, sometimes I feel pain, sometimes I even seem to understand why everything happened the way it did.

But it feels like I am stuck on a road where I can’t go ahead and to turn back is impossible.

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