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I Was 29 When I Got Married To A Man Who Wasn't Interested: I Still Don't Know Who To Blame

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I am a 29 year old physiotherapist by occupation. I describe myself as an ugly looking fat girl. Last year my parents married me off to a heavier guy. Prior to the marriage, he didn’t take any interest in any personal talks about our lives. He called me rarely (he works at Airtel) and all he talked was about food or shopping. I was dying by the day.

I'd never had any sort of relationships before but definitely knew what a relationship meant and I dreamt of a caring and loving man.

As I faced my dreams vanishing, I was getting cold feet about marriage. I tried everything to stop or at least postpone this marriage. But guess it was too late. I belong to a male dominated family and girls need to get married by 24 years of age. Firstly, I was late by 4 years and upon that I had a mirror cracking personality. My family's tension was genuine. So, my marriage took place with lots of pomp and show.

I didn't have any relationship with my husband. It was neither physical nor emotional. It was shocking to me but the situation was understandable. His father was staying with us. But I was disturbed when his behaviour did not change even after we had shifted to his work town.

I realized he was avoiding me. All he talked about was food and household chores. I didn't expect praises or compliments but I didn't need criticism for almost everything I did either. I was getting depressed day by day. When it peaked, I came back to my parents’ house.

After a few days when my parents tried to resolve our issues, they had put all sorts of blames on me such as I was having an affair before marriage, I was forced into marriage. I didn't open up to him. I didn't allow him to touch me etc. Nobody trusted me and I had no proof of my innocence. Not even my parents trusted me.

I was left with no option but to compromise. He was not ready to accept me again. After 23 days of marriage and more than 10 months of mental trauma, I filed a petition for divorce.

But I shall never be able to get rid of this unwanted virus. I’m trying to start my professional life afresh but whenever I’m asked about my marriage, I have no answers but to lie. But will I ever know whose fault was it?

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