When we got married and you told me your father lives with you, I didn't ask any questions. In our culture, it is normal for the elderly parents to be living with their son. You had also lost your mother and I figured, it was a good thing because your father would have been lonely.
The first few months were fun, having him around. Having lived alone, away from home for my job, this feeling of having an elderly person around was good. We would schedule our daily chai and chat together. I started navigating my way around relationships that I needed to build, asking for his guidance. I was a dutiful daughter-in-law. It felt good that I could serve an elderly person.
Slowly things started to change. I started to realise that your father, my father-in-law wasn't really such a nice and decent elder. He would pass snide comments in a nice way, and I really couldn't put my finger to it.
He would be home and expect to be served everything in his room. Well, it wasn't tough at first because, we had two live-in house helps. The most difficult part happened when we had to move cities and the house helps were not keen on moving with us. He would pass nasty remarks on the taste of the food, on the choice of clothes, on my weight. I mostly ignored a lot of what he said and did but started to feel very frustrated because a couple of times, I tried to tell you about it, and you completely shut me down. In fact, not only did you shut me down, you became defensive and we had massive arguments.
He travelled a lot, so every time he would travel to your sister or brother's home, he would return with more expectations and even more nasty remarks. Soon, he was causing fights between us. That is when I decided to shut myself down because I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of ruining our life together.
It didn't take me long to realise he was a pervert and a narcissist. Some of the things he did, were sickening and yet you would never believe me, even when those things impacted our children. Your father is a very sneaky man. He sneaks up behind people in the kitchen, he eavesdrops on conversations that don't involve him, he has no respect for anyone's privacy and wants to interfere in everything, and he is constantly comparing you to your siblings, citing what a failure you are in comparison to them. This, despite the fact that your sibling don't treat him properly.
However since I was not raised to be disrespectful, I put up with everything your old narcissistic father dished out to me. Every morning I wake up, and I have to see his face. My blood boils. I hate him for the damage he has caused to our relationship. He doesn't like me. He doesn't like me and would be more than happy if we got divorced, because I'm not a puppet daughter-in-law. I take a stand for my self. He doesn't like me because before we got married, he had control over everything, but with my entry into the house, his control over everything got reduced. He also doesn't like me because he used one of the live-in helps, to massage his body. When we got married, I thought it wasn't appropriate for a 34-year-old female help to be giving a back massage to a 70-year-old man despite him having a masseuse coming home for him thrice a week.
He is an effortless liar. Of all the sneaky things he did, the most disgusting one was when he brushed his arm against my breasts. I first thought it was a mistake but it happened 3 times. I have seen enough men to know that this was deliberate - another of his schemes to put me in a tough spot, so that when I tell you about it, you won't believe me and it will lead to another fight. At first, I was stunned, I didn't know how to react or what to say. I told my children about what he did. I felt so humiliated by this. I told you this as well, but you discarded this.
You didn't stand up for me or believe me. You think your father is holy but he is not. In fact, sometimes, I think you know that he is a tharki but you brush those thoughts aside because you feel that you will look like a less perfect son if you confronted him about this. Despite knowing his shortcomings, you refuse to acknowledge his behaviour and that is very very very hurtful.
You don't let me disengage from him either. You force your love of your father on me.
I wasn't raised by him. I don't share the same emotions about him that you do. In fact, I dislike him and feel very helpless when serving him becomes my obligation. However, I never openly disrespect him because I feel that is your cross to bear. I wish you had tried to understand how humiliating this experience was for me. But you are a modern day "Shravan Kumar". You don't have the ability to serve your father but expect that your wife who dislikes him so much, whose life he has multiple times tried to destroy, to serve him till he lives.
I feel suffocated and unhappy at his sense of entitlement. I really don't know what to do - but want to ask you one question - Is this how you would have turned a blind eye, if this was your daughter or her life? Maybe not. But you do turn a blind eye to him touching my breasts because I'm a daughter from a different home. That speaks volumes about your character and your ability to do right by me.
So f*** your father's day celebrations because I have to get up tomorrow morning, looking at the face of the person I dislike the most because of you. I will grind my teeth in anger, I may even mumble in anger but I will eventually carry on with life. Knowing your father has been the most unpleasant experience of my life and I hope to be able to look you in the eye someday and tell you how little I give a sh** about him.