I Fell In Love With An Intelligent Man But This Is How My Parents Punished Me For Choosing Him

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 12 May, 2017

‘Marriages are made in heaven’, this is what I’d been told ever since I crossed the threshold of adolescence and somewhere had come to believe it as well.

An MBA graduate with an offer of 20 LPA at my door. I was convinced that it was the perfect time to speak my heart to my parents about the guy I wanted in my life. An IIT graduate with an envious package, what more could my parents wish for?

While I was aware of the society and its hypocrisies, deep within I felt sure that we would manage to battle it. Our caste difference was a major barrier that had given me sleepless nights but we were also convinced that our professional accomplishments would help us sail through.

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Our society never seizes to dishearten me with its weird outlook to life and love. It’s so different when you say that you like a guy and wish to make a marriage decision of your choice.

My days at home prior to the big joining were a mind opener with me trying to fathom things around, the uncanny behavior of my parents and identifying the fears of an invisible entity: SOCIETY. From accusations and abusive rantings to being shamed for the person I stood up for today, I was confronting a whole new world with updated introductions of my parents.

I was bestowed with the epithet of ‘W****’ and reprimanded for disgracing and dishonoring the family. I still wonder what a piece of mass and hormonal changes has got to do with a family’s honor.

Though I had been preparing myself for this, the intensity of it was unpredictable and left me amazed. All my attempts in explaining myself and being strong against the unscrupulous beliefs stood in vain.

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One day when patience gave way to a huge brawl, I locked myself up in a room for some peace and sanity. But this was not to be for long. I sensed something burning and rushed out only to see my mother burning my certificates. I was shattered and speechless, not knowing how to react. 

I fell numb as my anger and frustration had crossed all boundaries. I couldn’t even raise my voice as respect and gratification for all she had done for me.

I still remember her words, “If I burn your certificates you don't have a life and will be bound to marry the guy we choose for you".

And the act didn’t stop there. Her hour long accusations wore a new attire each day and today they were no less. My screams went unheard and all she had to say were abuses that asked me to leave the house and kill myself.

What was I supposed to say to this or how was I meant to react? I felt something ripping me inside and I told her, “Mom, I really don't have a life. Forget about the guy you see, I feel like ending all this now."

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While so much was told to me about my mannerisms and body language to be the perfect wife, what they missed to share was that the decision would be subjected to various conditions primarily being the caste we belonged to, society and their judgments on who would be the best fit and the supreme right of my parents to sketch the guy for me.

Today, all traumatized I have a few lines for all parents who build their castles on the hopes and aspirations of their kids:
- Please keep your minds and heart open and be ears to your kids. Mistreatment and abusive conversations just lead to loss of love and respect earned over the years.

- Caste doesn't have any significance in a relationship except the surname; it’s your intelligence that earns you respect and dignity.

- Society can never be pleased. It’s only an entity that derives sadistic pleasure from your shortcomings and distress. Please stop worrying about them.

- We love each other not for SEX but for the compatibility and understanding we share. And, I’m sure it has got nothing to do with society and caste.
Author's Note:

This and so much more lies within, things that I want to scream out to the world, to put an end to the ruckus and emotional turmoil an Indian women goes through in her life each day. I’m not sure of how my story would end and as for hope, which seems to fade away as well.

Editor's Note:

Share this story with all who have undergone a similar experience. Pass it on to parents who continue to suppress their children in the name of society and caste. Marriage calls for a lifetime commitment, which has no relevance to caste, creed or religion.