I Don't Mind Being The Bad Daughter-In-Law But I Want To Be The Perfect Daughter

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 2 April, 2018

I was born to a middle-class family in a small town. I have a younger brother and my mother made sure that we were always treated equally. She did her best to understand us as a friend and guide us as a parent.

We never had different rules for the ‘boy’ and ‘girl’.

Both of us received our share of special treatment and scolding as well. In fact, I was given more freedom than my brother, as I was smarter and more responsible. I lived in a different city for two years and my mom trusted me because she knew that I would manage.

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She made me a strong and independent woman just like her.

I’ve grown up seeing her managing everything all by herself because my father was irresponsible and selfish. She played the role of both a mother and father to us. My mom has always been a great leader and the best mother.

She had her own opinions and made her own decisions regardless of my father. And I’ve always wanted to become like her.

Not only did she take care of my maternal family but also looked after our paternal family and kept everyone together. My father never cared about anyone but himself.

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It was my mother who took care of his sister and brother and maintained a good relationship with them. Everyone loves her there more than my father and no doubt, she deserves that love.

I always wanted to give her all the happiness and share her story with the whole world. But I forgot that girls have a different destiny.

It was her wish to see me married and I agreed. She found me the perfect boy and perfect family who gave me all the happiness and a perfect life. But that didn’t mean that I'd forget my family and consider this new family as my world.

I love and respect them and I do want to be like my mom who was a perfect bahu, bhabhi etc. But above everything else, I want to be the perfect daughter.

After our marriage, my husband and I shifted to Mumbai for his work and I continued my job there. When we came to our hometown for the first time after marriage on the occasion of Holi, we were instructed to come to my in-laws’ home.

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According to society, it was only right that the son and daughter-in-law visit the in-laws first. So I did as I was told.

However, I wanted both of us to visit my home too. After all, this was the first time that I was away from my family during a festival. Unfortunately, we could go to my house just for an hour because my father-in-law wanted us to come back.

We stayed with my in-laws for four days. Then my husband left for Mumbai and I went to my mayka. He was going to return after a week and I requested him to stay at my place for a few days after which we could go together to his house.

He was ok with it but before he could come, his father ordered him to come home directly and visit my place just for a day.

I felt very bad as all of us had many plans for him. My family was excited because he was going to stay with them for the very first time. Ultimately, my father-in-law called both of us back to their house but I refused to go.

I told my husband to go ahead and that I’d join him after a few days. My mom was upset with me for not going to my sasural.

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I tried to make her understand that my husband should have spent more time with us, as this was his sasural and his family too!

Why is it that girls have to compromise and manage both the homes but guys have no such responsibilities? I chose him because he was different and did not think like other men. But when his father told him to come home, he quietly went back.

Why am I expected to stay with his family when he can’t stay with mine?

My mom has not been talking to me because I didn't go to my in-laws’ home. She wants me to be a good bahu. But she had planned so much for her son-in-law and he chose his family over mine. Then why don’t I have the same right?

Why is it considered a crime for a married girl to choose her family over her husband’s?

If the world really believed in equality, why is everything not equal after marriage? If a couple stays in a different city, they must give equal importance to both the families. They must stay for the same duration in each house and treat the parents’ equally.

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My heart sinks when I see my parents telling me to concentrate more on his family.

Why should I do that? After all, I am their daughter first! I will love my in-laws but not at the cost of my mom and brother.

If giving my family equal attention makes me a bad daughter-in-law, I’m fine with it.

I don’t care about creating a false good image in front of the society.

Editor's Note:

Every girl deserves to give her family equal time and attention even after she is married. Share this story if you believe that marriage is all about equality and no girl should have to compromise on her role as a daughter.