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I Blamed Myself When She Broke Up With Me: I Didn't Know Her Real Intentions

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

Back in 2012 when I got admitted to my degree college, I saw her in the corridors and got attracted to her. We didn't like each other at first and also didn't talk much. I dropped a year and later when I returned, things changed and we met again.

Things started to go smoothly and she got to know I was a good guy. We mingled nicely. We became best friends and there was no limit to our interaction.

I went to another city and I could not find another friend like her. I realised I was in love but was scared to tell her as that could ruin our friendship too. I became restless and finally confessed my feelings towards her. She accepted the proposal the very next day but also said that we should get back to reality as her parents would not allow this marriage. I felt bad but at that time I was happy we were together. It was a perfect relationship and a dream come true.

We used to talk for hours, share every little thing and tease each other like friends too. Good things had begun and we were deeply in love with each other. We never knew our relationship would be so perfect and our bond would evolve much. Later that year she went to a different city for her job and I was left alone.

Things changed as she used to be busy the whole day and we hardly used to talk for half an hour. But this didn't affect our relationship and I assumed she didn't feel that things were changing. But that one phone call from her changed everything.

She called me and I heard "Shall we break up?" I had no idea where that came from and thought she was just pulling my leg. Later that night I realised she was dead serious and was in no mood to listen. I tried everything I could, but she behaved stubbornly and stood firm on her decision. 

The reason that she gave was "I will get married in the next 2 months. We are getting closer and my friend recently broke up with her guy as her family got to know about everything."

I was shattered, broken, and had no idea what to do to bring her back. She never listened to me. She made sure she stood by her decision and made me accept that she won't come back hook or by crook. I cried, I got angry, I hurt myself, yelled at her to get her back but nothing worked. I still don't understand why she did that regardless of how good things were between us. I had proved my trust every now and then, listened to every little thing she ever told but still, I fell short somewhere. She later added that "You asked me to get intimate with you, which got me scared about the things that I didn't want to happen." I was shocked to hear that and felt disgusting about myself. That was the worst reason I could have heard from her for leaving me. She could have discussed it with me and I would have listened as I always did. Why did she take the decision without telling me?

I later got to know all those reasons were just a cover up. I was in depression and didn't know how should I react to this. None of her friends knew I was her boyfriend, she never came out with me for dinner, movie or anything, fearing that someone would see us together. But she could do this in another city as there were no relatives to see her. Despite knowing that I was the one she thought of spending her life with, she never tried confronting her family about us. She used to go celebrate her friends' birthday at midnight there but didn't show her face or come to see me on my special day. I don't know what my fault was.

Maybe, my fault is I'm a boy, from a different caste and also residing where her family and relatives stay. According to her, I was the most important person in her life but she was not proud of telling anyone about me. She had left the day she told me. The consequences after that changed me and my life forever. I dropped another year and lost my father too.

I am a changed person now but my heart still loves her. Her parents have found a guy for her of their caste who has a bungalow, car, and land. This happened one and half years after we broke up.

We don't talk now. I just didn't lose my girlfriend, I also lost my best friend with whom I used to share everything. I don't have anyone to talk now and I can't trust anyone now, in the fear that they will do the same which she did.

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