I Belong To The "Honour Killing State" And Now My Father Wants To Kill Me: I Don't Know What To Do

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 7 July, 2017

It was our first day of induction at our new job in Kolkata, where I met Viren. As Diwali was coming up, I was searching for available train tickets to Delhi and I was lucky enough to find three. I was asking my friend if she wanted to go home, and she nodded. That’s when I heard someone say, “I want to go home too, please book a seat for me too.” I turned to see who the voice belonged to, and there he was, handsome and charming in all his glory.

As soon as I saw him, I can’t put a finger on what exactly made me feel this way, but I somehow knew that I felt connected to him in that instant itself.

So, I booked a seat for him as well, and the three of us went to our respective homes. Ever since that time, we travelled to our homes together every time. We became best friends, and we started spending a lot of time with each other, hanging out together and enjoying our lives.

We fell for each other along the way, but I never had the courage to talk about it with him as I felt that I would lose him as a friend too.

I decided to keep mum. Then one fine day, he landed a job in another company in Mumbai and I felt like my whole world crashed. But as he had to go, he went. I thought it would now become easier for me to forget him but I was wrong and how! I started missing him terribly. I couldn’t take the pain so I asked him blatantly to not speak to me anymore as I was attracted to him. To this he said that he felt the same for me and proposed to me for marriage. I was stunned and literally shaken by his words.

Instead of saying either yes or no to him. I asked him, "will my parents agree?” And he said that they would agree.

Well, I know my parents well. They are way too conservative. But he asked me to believe in him, that he will eventually make my parents understand. I agreed and I said yes. We went on to date for a few years.

I told my parents about Viren on the phone but they yelled at me and asked me to commit suicide as I had brought shame to the family. I forgot to mention earlier, that I belong to the supposed "honour killing state" - Haryana.

I tried my level best to make them understand. Viren's parents, on the other hand, were very supportive. They were ready for our marriage. Then one Saturday evening, my maternal uncle visited me at my residence in Kolkata and beat me up. My wrist got fractured. The police came after hearing my screams - in our campus, police patrol is normally present throughout the day. But I asked them not to file an FIR.

Two months later, my father visited me and repeated the same scene. He was running behind me yelling that he will kill me. He had visited me then for my honour killing but somehow my colleagues saved me then from that man.

I have gone through a lot and still am in trauma. Everyday I feel suicidal. I do not know what to do. I have tried everything to make them understand. And there is no backing down now. Even if I tell them that I don't want to marry Viren now and I am coming home, they will still kill me at any cost.

My father is an insane man and so is my maternal uncle. I am also a victim of child abuse by my own father.

I don’t know what to do, where to go. They have clearly told me that if I end up marrying Viren, then they will kill me, Viren and his family too. I have asked Viren not to marry me as it will cause harm to him and his family. Everyone around us is confused. His dad even tried to talk to my father, but my father abused him and asked him to never call again. My life sucks. I have no one to support me except Viren and his family. Yes, I am a victim of honour killing. I am not able to digest the fact that my own family is not supporting me.

When I informed my mother about my father abusing me as a child, she had questioned me by saying that I am making up stories as she knows him very well. I am now scared to even step out of the house. I have just locked myself in my room. If I attempt to take any harsh action against them, then they will surely kill us. 
Author's Note:

Can somebody please guide me? I have lodged an FIR but still there is no action from the police yet. I also don’t want his family name to be affected because of me. I am desperate for help, they can come to kill me any moment now. 

Editor's Note:

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