I Am Married To The Man I Deeply Love But My Father-In-Law Doesn't Let Us Live In Peace

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 28 June, 2018

Imagine living in a family where being scolded by husbands is considered normal and respectful; a family where wrong practices are followed with pride and questioning them is considered manner-less. How would you feel living in a family that shows off their good deeds, covering their actual behaviour?

This is the same family that says they can’t stand domestic violence but the father can spit in his own son’s face.

This family uses abuses in every sentence they speak, they have instilled their violence and abuses whenever a new member joins the family just to establish that they will still remain the heads of the household. The mother-in-law of the house shamelessly gets mad at the daughter-in-law for questioning her father-in-law’s drinking habits, because the mother-in-law enjoys listening to her husband’s slang when he gets drunk.

Advertisement

The main problem of the family is the father-in-law’s mindset and approach to family life. I am an independent lady and I come from an educated family where we were taught to stay with in-laws as we are with our own parents so what am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to stay with such kind of people for the rest of my life? I am yet to complete 30. Even if I live for minimum 60 years, I still have half of my life to live. The weirdest thing is, my in-laws are expecting me to give birth in this out of the world environment. Why don't they ask me to die directly? Because of their way of living, day by day I'm losing my mind and confidence. On top of this, due to depression, my menstruation cycle gets affected. I sometimes bleed even twice in a month, a period of only 15 days.

It’s been a year and a half since we got married, even my parents are eager about a baby but how can I explain to them about the mentality of this family?

To be honest, I really don't want to bother them with all this. In spite of it all, I still thank God for giving me such an understanding husband who is already upset with his own dad's nature. We had known each other for more than 8 years, before getting married. It was a long lovely journey. We hardly had fights. When I recall how happy we were before coming to this hometown, I get angry at myself. He denied several times to come back to his home, as he was already fed up with his dad's nature. It was all my fault, I never imagined how violent my to-be father-in-law could be. I am the youngest child in my family and I was brought up in a joint family with Bua, grandparents, uncles. I always had a dream to stay like this with in-laws as well. Before marriage, when we discussed among girlfriends, some of them would laugh upon hearing that I like joint families. Now I understand the reason behind their laugh. How silly was I?

Now I have been stuck so badly.

As my husband is the only son, he needs to take care of his family, not financially for now but physically. And for me, as a married woman, everyone had objected to me staying alone in a different state for my previous job. Being a married couple, we also want some private time without any stress. But every night after getting in drunk, my father-in-law scolds everyone in the family without any reason. My mother-in-law has no problem with it. But we have a problem, so when we (husband and I) try to stop it, he continues with us. With all this going on, our married life has been affected. After all the drama, when we come to sleep, we don't want to talk to each other and go to sleep with an "I need space" mindset.

Editor's Note:

Share this story because we normalising abuse is not okay.