I Am A Married Woman, So I Have To Suffer Or Be Abandoned

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 21 November, 2017

I am a 29-year-old woman and a mother of two kids. My elder son is 5 years old and the younger one is just 14 months old. I lived with my husband in Bangalore earlier and was working for a reputed company. Everything was fine in my married life. After my second one was born, I had to leave my job to take care of him.

My husband is working in a reputed company as an event manager. One fine day, my husband told me that his parents were getting old. So he wanted me to take the kids and live with them in Thrissur, Kerala. He also felt that it would be difficult for us to manage here with both our kids because education was expensive in Bangalore. He thought it would be better if the kids studied in Kerala. 

I never wanted to leave my husband and go to Kerala. But I agreed just for his sake. After moving to Kerala, my mother-in-law started showing her true colours. She would always shout at me, make faces and tell me something or the other. She would always put me down. I kept adjusting.
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One fine day, my mother-in-law and I had a big fight. She slapped me and called me a b**ch. I lost my calm and started shouting back at her. It was as if a real devil was standing in front of me. She even lied in front of my father-in-law and husband saying that she did not do anything.

But my elder son had seen everything and he told everyone that it was his grandmother who had done all this. I told my husband that I did not want to stay here anymore and my husband supported me.

But both my husband and his dad did their best to make me change my decision. They promised me that they would see to it that such things did not happen again.

They even emotionally blackmailed me saying that my elder son’s education would go for a toss if I moved back to Bangalore. They somehow managed to convince me. I finally agreed to stay back in Kerala and that turned out to be my biggest mistake. My husband would visit us sometimes. But my life became hell after this. I just kept adjusting and continued to do everything.

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But one day, my mother-in-law did the same thing again. She abused me again in a similar manner. This time I lost my temper. I said, "That's it. I'm done. I will not stay in the same house with this psycho." Actually, my father-in-law had told me that my mother-in-law behaved like that with him too. 

I had told him that he tolerated her because she was his wife. I had also asked him why I needed to tolerate a psycho like her.

This time too my husband and father-in-law pestered me and convinced me to stay back with them despite knowing that I was experiencing all this.

I knew they were all selfish. They wanted me to stay with them because they wanted to be with the kids. They did not really want me in any way.

But this time, I was firm in my decision. I told my husband that I was going back with him and would live with him in Bangalore. To my surprise, my husband said, "I will divorce you if you do that."

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My parents too refused to support me. I suppose it would fill them with a sense of shame if their married daughter left her husband and came back to stay with them.

No one is worried about me or about what I am going through.

My parents just beg me to adjust and stay in Kerala with my in-laws. They ask me to listen to my husband and do whatever he says. What choice do I have? What can a single mother with two kids do when her husband turns against her?

I told my husband that I will come to Bangalore and resume working. I even suggested that we could put our baby in daycare. I knew that we could somehow manage to put our elder kid in a school there and live together. But he just doesn’t listen.

Why should a woman sacrifice everything and listen to everyone? Why can women never voice their concerns? When I tried voicing my concerns, my husband just said that he would divorce me. I am totally broken and helpless. What should I do now?

Editor's Note:

Let’s share this vulnerable story so that we all realize that true happiness can never ever be found externally. We always have a choice. We can choose not to get embroiled in such meaningless petty issues and focus on creating an identity of our own so that we are able to lead our lives in a meaningful and purposeful manner.