How The Promise Of Togetherness Ends Up In Loneliness In An Indian Marriage

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 14 July, 2017

There are many ways people describe marriage: stepping into a new phase of life, heading on to a journey of togetherness and of course, the union of two souls.

Marriage: that moment when everything changes. If you’re lucky, for the best and if you’re not, well…

I’m going to tell you, what happens when marriage doesn’t work out the way I'd thought, or hoped it would.

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How the sacred bond of marriage became nothing less than a noose around my life.

Since I was a child, I’ve always been extremely pampered by my parents. I was born and brought up in a small town and soon after my studies, in 2006, I moved out of the city and began searching for a job. A few years after this, my parents began finding a suitable match for me. They wanted me to settle down, with a good family and a better husband. Without asking for more information, I agreed to meet this guy. Within 15 minutes, my fate was sealed. Everything was decided before I could even register what had happened: soon, a date was decided.

In December 2010, my beautiful life came to an end. I hope that heaven doesn’t even come close to what people say marriages are supposed to be. Soon after our honeymoon trip, my reel life came to an end and the real one began in Kolkata. My in-laws were sweet, initially, of course, but it didn’t take time for them to show me their true colors.  

When I needed my husband to be there for me, he was further away than I could have imagined.

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Our nights passed with him watching TV in his mother’s room, while I sat waiting for him, alone, in ours.

When he would finally come in, he would sleep immediately. We have no physical contact, because according to him, I don’t smell good.

We’re almost living like roommates, only thing is, that we’re supposed to be husband and wife.

I’m lonely, depressed and now just a good maid in their house.

My in-laws are dominating and have a set of rules for me. For my husband, of course, it’s different. He’s blinded by his mother’s affection and it seems like that’s all he requires. As for me, I have to cook for this family, clean their house and do everything that keeps them content. All I’m left with, is their sarcastic comments and constant taunts. Here I am, in a new city, with no job and a life that is suffocating me.

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I’m exhausted. I’ve lost my job, my identity and the ability to believe that love and acceptance are just words used in a fairy tale.

During the initial days, I cried on the phone and told my parents everything. All they told me, was that I had to adjust- because that’s what women are supposed to do.

After months, I realized that no one was going to help me. And so, I decided to do something about it myself.

In 2015, I got a job at a company that’s near my house.

I felt happiness slowly entering my life. I had the key to my freedom in my hands. Even though it was just for a few hours, I got to spend a few hours away from these people I’m supposed to call my own.

Of course, it wasn’t that easy, my mother-in-law was worried about who would cook and clean when I was at work. I assured them that I’d do everything once I was back: the price I paid for a few hours of freedom.

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I read somewhere, that there’s delay in God’s house, not darkness.

Once I began working, I made sure that I finished a bit of the household chores in the day, and kept a bit for later. Everyone in the house seems to have calmed down and accepted this way of life. I get to go out, get some fresh air, instead of staying suffocated at home.

It’s a painful thing to say, but marriage is more than just a union of two souls, sometimes, it’s just you with yourself, and you’ve got to make it work.

Today, I complete seven years of this marriage. Seven years of faking this relationship. But I did it all because I realized that the only person I need approval from, is me.  

Author's Note:

Ladies, please don’t lose hope. Don’t let anyone mistreat you or take away your self-respect. You are not born to please everyone. Work, for yourself and learn to be independent. It’s not only for the money but to give you the confidence that you need to live, proudly.