He’s Not The Man I Married 10 Years Back And I'm Not Allowed To Have A Way Out

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 21 March, 2018

I was in the final year of my graduation when I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I was upset and pretty shattered by the entire experience. It was at this time that a guy I knew approached my parents and asked them for my hand in marriage. My parents were completely bowled over by his nature. He was well settled too. So they asked me if I was OK with getting married to him.

I had been deeply disappointed by what my ex-boyfriend had done to me. So I told my parents that I will happily marry the guy that they choose for me.

So this guy started calling me. We would talk to each other every now and then but I was never really interested in him. He was too chipku for my liking. But I never took it seriously and accepted what my parents decided.

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It was at this time that I met a guy called Angad through my common friends. We would meet at get-togethers and he started falling for me. I was totally unaware of his feelings.

He knew that my parents had finalized a guy for me but that didn’t stop him in any way.

My friends started teasing us because we spent so much time with each other. After some time even I started liking him. He was so polite, nice, understanding and fun loving. He had all the qualities that I was looking for.

I did not know if what I felt for him was ‘love’ but I knew he was the right person for me.
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On Valentine's Day, Angad proposed to me. I told him that I will be getting married to the guy that my parents selected for me.

He asked me if I was happy with their choice. I did not have an answer to his question.

But I knew I did not want to disappoint my parents too. After a while, I told the guy I was going to marry that I could not visualize my future with him and I did not want to marry him. He created a major issue about it.

He told my parents that he would commit suicide if I backed out now.

After I finished my graduation my parents started forcing me to marry him. I was stuck. I did not know what to do.

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They kept asking me if I was interested in someone else but I was still not very sure about my feelings for Angad.

Amidst all this chaos Angad proposed to me again and asked me if I would marry him. I was stuck with my parents, that guy and Angad now. I was totally confused but I told my parents that I wanted to marry Angad.

They met him and liked him.

We got married within 2 months. I was 20 at that time and he was 25. Things were great for a year. But soon I started realizing that Angad was becoming insecure about me. He would let me wear what I wanted to but he wouldn’t let me talk to my guy friends. I thought this was normal. I resumed working. After 5 years we were blessed with a baby boy.

We were a happy family but Angad started becoming more dominating in nature with each passing day.

I realized that he was no longer the same guy that he was earlier. I kept ignoring things but it was difficult to bear with his behaviour at times. I had to quit my job during my pregnancy. But he did not let me rejoin my job after the delivery. I wasn’t allowed to go out anywhere by myself.

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He would fight with me for no reason, beat me and verbally abuse me.

Several times our arguments would take an ugly turn and my parents had to intervene to create peace in our family. But nothing about him has changed. Even my parents ignored these issues thinking that such things are normal in all marriages.

Today, we have been married for 10 years. I regret marrying him.

I regret not pursuing my higher studies. I know I would have been a totally different person today. I was such a fun loving independent girl.

Today I cry at nights thinking about how I have ruined my own life.

I told my parents that I don’t want to live with him anymore. But they say, “What will our society say if you leave him. What will you do? He will not let you keep your son. It will become difficult to find a groom for your younger sister if you get divorced.” And Angad says he will spoil my parents’ life if I leave him.

So here I am… married for 10 years and stuck miserably.

Editor's Note:

Compromises mean clipping our dreams and ambitions. Not cake walk. Definitely. Even if it is a highly personal choice, we struggle with it. We all will have our fair share of regrets in our lives. But all is never lost. An abundance of opportunities await the resolute soul. And then magically our lives take on a beautiful turn. Do share this story if you too feel that regardless of our past we can always create a beautiful future for ourselves.