Where I mentioned how I couldn’t marry the love of my life and how I was feeling about it. I wrote about how I was dying to be with him and how he was the most important person in my life. We couldn’t get married because our stars didn’t match and his parents didn’t accept me either. I was from a modern Punjabi family and had a strict and orthodox mom.
We still hung out, my boyfriend and I, we couldn’t seem to let go until one day, I found out that his parents had chosen a girl for him and things were getting official. There roka was done and for the next three months, he had a great time with this new girl in his life; drinking beer with her, going on dates, late night dinners and what not.
Simultaneously, I was moving on parallel lines with him, completely unaware of what was going on. I asked him what was happening when I saw her missed calls and messages, but he told me that he was being forced to marry her. He kept telling me that I was his only love and that he couldn’t love anyone else.
I was so blind, I trusted him; which I know now, that I shouldn’t have. One day, I caught him texting her, he had said, “I love you” when I confronted him about it, he said he was doing it only for his family and the pressure that they both had. I began avoiding him because it didn’t take much for someone to figure out that he was using me.
After three months, he told me that he had officially broken up with his fiancé. He told me that it was mutual and he did it only for me. Deep in my heart, I knew that it was karma and nothing else that had taken effect here.
Later on, he confessed about what had happened between them, hoping to gain my trust again.
It was the same old promises of marriage and infinite love. I tried not to be a fool, not to close my eyes in front of you, but I loved him dearly, with all my heart. I wanted to think from my brain and not from my heart.
This time, he told me that he wanted to talk to my mom directly. That he wanted to talk to her directly about our marriage. I told him that the only way I would accept this is if I got a call from his mother, asking for my hand in marriage. I didn’t want to fall for his rubbish once again. He told me that he needed some more time. That made sense and I told myself to give him all the time that he needed; deep in my heart, I was fighting constantly with my heart and my mind.
This was one of the biggest mistakes that I made.
With the passage of time, I found out a lot about him and even caught him red-handed with a friend of mine.
I managed to get in touch with his ex. Even though she was married now, she couldn’t forget the fact that he was chauvinist pig who was still trying to get in touch with her, to talk about sex, under the pretence of love. Earlier, he had told her the same story he was telling me, that he wanted to get married to her and that he loved her; all of it was for nothing. He had cheated on her, twice. Until one day, she couldn’t take it anymore and cut off all ties.
Even now, I keep trying to bring him on track, but it’s tough. I’ve asked him to be honest with me, to tell me if he didn’t want to be with me.
I always thought that he would one day have the guts to walk away from me, but every month there was something new; either a new lie or a new woman in his life.
He was a lying, cheating player.
On top of this, I found out that he had been saying horrible things about me, stuff that I absolutely couldn’t mention. I hate myself from the core of my heart, for not using my mind earlier and letting my heart win in all of the arguments.
I know that I’ve messed up, not just two years of my life with him, but even by giving him a piece of my heart and my love. I know that people always leave an impact on your life, but I’m not going to let this damage stop me from growing; mentally and emotionally.
I’m glad that I chose myself first. That I respected myself enough to talk away. Today, he’s left me with memories that scare me from falling in love, but I know that this won’t happen. I will find love again and it will bring me immense peace and satisfaction.
I hope that karma will take care of him well, just as well as he took care of me.