Don't Just Get Married Because You're 25 And Have Nosy Relatives

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 12 December, 2017

Girls, please don’t marry a guy because you’re over 25 years old and society expects you too. Or even because your horoscopes match; these are trivial matters and shouldn’t be the reasons you decide to take this life-altering step.

Today, because I made a hasty decision, I ruined three years of my life and put my family, and I, under mental torture. I was turning 26 when my marriage was fixed. We got the proposal through our relatives and since our horoscopes matched, everyone thought it was an ideal match.

My to-be husband worked in Mumbai and we found out that he had once already been engaged. When we asked what happened, we were told that it was all the girl’s fault and we had nothing to worry about. Or at least that’s the version we believed. 

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After our engagement, his mother began calling us often. My fiancé on the other hand, hardly.

His mom would call us and boast about her son, and after a while, the calls became a nuisance. Even if I told her I was late to work, she would ignore those comments and continue telling me stories of her son.

If I was lucky, my fiancé would call me once, in a couple of weeks, and the very next day, she would call me to ask me what we spoke about.

Initially, I thought this was her friendly nature. That maybe she was excited about the wedding and me, and that’s why she was this inquisitive. Of course, how wrong could I have been!
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Soon enough, she began calling my relatives and telling them about the conversations that I would have with my fiancé.

Some of them even called my parents and told them that this wasn’t a good sign; so much interference from her side couldn’t possibly be a good thing. How I wish I had listened to them.

All of this became very embarrassing for me, but somehow, we kept defending her.

Things started going downhill when my mother-in-law began insisting that I resign from my job. We assured her, that once I would get married, I would no doubt leave my job, but she wasn’t willing to listen.

Unfortunately, during this time, my grandmother fell terribly ill and during this hassle, my uncle misplaced their home address. Now we needed this to be printed on the wedding cards, so I immediately called my fiancé and asked him to send it to me.

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His mother found out and was enraged. She called my uncle and began abusing him! She wanted to know why he couldn’t have called her up instead; why I had dared to call up her son instead of just picking up the phone and asking her.

We were shocked.

I told my family I didn’t want to marry into this kind of a family, as they seemed uncouth. But once the wedding cards are printed, you can’t cancel it. And that’s all they had to tell me to silence me.

I wish I would have broken off the engagement, I wouldn’t have to suffer the way I did. I begged my parents to reconsider and cancel this wedding, but no one listened to me. I was marrying a stranger. Even though our courtship lasted six months, I knew nothing about him.

From then on, nothing was right in my life. There were constant fights, starting with the day my fiancé came to our native place for the wedding. He would show his mom the love bites that he would have forcefully left me and tell her things about me that should remain between the two of us.

I began hating him. He was there for only ten days, but I hated him with all that I had. His mother began fighting with me on absolutely any issue that she could. After our marriage, unlike what was promised earlier, my husband went to Mumbai alone and left me behind with his parents. I rejoined my work.

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During this time, I noticed that my father-in-law wasn’t happy, neither was he eating well. A while ago, he had a stroke and since then, had become weak and wouldn’t speak to anyone. I began cooking his favourite items, spending time with him when I could and was surprised that my mother-in-law would always head out and not bother about his eating arrangements, medicines or health.

When I tried to bring this up it ended up with me being forced to quit my job and stay at home with my father-in-law. I spent almost a year with them, with absolutely no signs of a shift to Mumbai. My husband stopped calling and soon, stopped visiting us.

One day, my mother-in-law told me that he stopped sending money home. I told her to speak to him directly because he hadn’t spoken to me for a couple of months now. Again she struck up a fight with me because I had the audacity to talk to her in that manner.

I was fed up. I told my parents everything. And on an auspicious day, my mother decided to come and visit me.

During tea, she casually asked me, in front of my mother-in-law, about my plans to shift to Mumbai, to be with my husband. And this set her off again; she began screaming and abusing my mother. This time, my mother didn’t stay quiet and began yelling too. It reached a point where the police were called to settle things in our house. I even overheard a call from my mother-in-law to my husband confirming that she’s going to kick me and my mother out of her house.

I had had enough. That evening itself, I packed my bags, told my mother-in-law that she’s crazy and left that house forever.
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Unfortunately, all my gold was in her cupboard, which was locked. We filed for divorce, sent the papers to their house and his office. We found out that they had all flown to Mumbai, that very night. We had no address of theirs in Mumbai and had no way to contact them. They had blocked all our numbers. They didn’t even attend the court session to get a divorce.

And so, I filed for mental harassment and torture. And because of this criminal case against their whole family; the mother and her son, they had to show up, with my gold and other belongings and agreed to the divorce.

I wasted three years of my life living this mess and now, I finally got my job back and am trying to live a normal life without these people haunting me and my family.

 

Editor's Note:

Share this story, to remind all the women out there that marriage isn't based on your age, or your matching kundlis. It's about finding the right compatibility and love from your partner and understanding from his family.