Dear Parents, I’m Scared Of Marriage Because This Is What You're Letting Them Do

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 21 July, 2017

I’m not yet sure whether it was a chanced meet at a regular industrial training or destiny that had brought us together. My days pursuing engineering got a new vigour when I bumped into him during one of the training sessions. Coming from different colleges, Facebook played a key role in uniting us, though virtually. What followed was an honest proposal, a night long brain pain, analyzing whether he was the one for me and then a flowery acceptance, sealing our relationship.

We were inseparable and our chats overtime unveiled that we had shared the same frame in our LKG group picture and attended the same tuition during our 10th boards. Really? I was on cloud nine, fathoming relevance of my love story with romantic films watched over the years.

6 years and we were as strongly knit as our initial days, distance being the last thing affecting us.
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Now 25 and well settled, we finally decided to open the cards to our parents, well aware of the hurdles we were set to face, he is a Brahmin and I, a schedule caste. With great courage and will power, I spoke to mine, sharing a detailed biography on him and his family.

I was ready for a blatant ‘NO’ as I knew that the first step would be a negotiation round with my parents guarding their reply with lame reasons such as respect and society and me nudging them further for something concrete.

I knew friends and neighbours are best avoided when the subject concerned is supposedly anti-cultural and people involved are vulnerable. My dad, who was initially neutral and showed some signs of being convinced, took a complete U-turn when one of our family friends gave a sour look and opinion on the topic, which otherwise was a life decisive factor for me. Suddenly, I pursuing higher studies became the sole reason of all the ruckus, falling in love and bringing disgrace to the family.

For my mom, it was fine and respectable to betray love of six years and marry a stranger of their choice.
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Questions such as ‘Both of us are well settled and he is a Brahmin, how could it affect your respect in any way?’ and ‘Why should we bother about what the world says and find bliss in judging anything and everything around?’ vanished in thin air in the lack of any definite logic.

As for his family, though they loved and respected me for the person I was, marriage was slated impossible, given our caste difference. Ironically, here as well it was ‘SOCIETY’, which was to be blamed for the upfront rejection.  

The situation has worsened over time and now my parents are busy finding me an able groom deemed fit by the society. Their desperation for an IAS guy both irritate and scare me as it gives me a hint that they could force me into this anytime soon.

What annoys me more is that this eligible bachelor wants me to be a housewife post marriage as he earns enough to suffice us. Now, how do you explain the logic behind making an IIM graduate sit at home just because her guy earns enough?

Over the months, my pleas, urges and tears have gone unnoticed and I fear being pushed into marriage any day. Not sure where my life is headed.

Author's Note:

The thing of ‘Living for the SOCIETY’ should eventually die for its betterment.