Dear My Ex Lover's Family: I'm The Woman Who Dated Your Married Son And I'm Not Sorry

Anonymous Anonymous in Culture Shock on 24 May, 2017

Dear mother, father, sister, and wife of my ex-boyfriend,

I write this letter to tell you all about the love I have for the man who is your son, brother and a husband. I fell in love with this man in your house before he got married. We were madly intensely and passionately in love, the kind of love that happens rarely. I loved him so much that without meeting you, I fell in love with all of you too (of course except for the wife who came later).

I felt love and respect for all of you for giving me a man who I thought was the most beautiful human being I had ever come across and I thought all of you played a major part in creating such a wonderful person.

I never thought of settling down with anyone before him. When he happened to me, my perceptions about life, love, and people began to change. And suddenly things began to change when you wanted him married and settled in his life. All of you became aware of my presence in his life, but you couldn’t accept me, not because I loved him any less, but because I belonged to a different religion.

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My love and care for him, my personality, everything took a back-seat, the only thing that was wrong with me was that I was born into a different religion. You didn’t see how much I loved him, how deeply I respected you all, how I brought happiness to him and fulfilled his life in ways I can’t explain. But nothing mattered anymore; our love for each other couldn't last us a lifetime, according to you.

I never understood why I was any less for him than any other girl who didn’t even know him and love him for all his strengths and weaknesses. But you didn’t want me, and he didn’t want to upset you all, and I let him go because I respected his love for you and I wanted him to be happy. I also wanted all of you to know that I respected you, so I didn’t question your decision in his life either.

You chose a girl for him who belonged to your community and a girl who didn’t know a thing about him. What made him happy, what made him sad, the food he enjoyed, the kind of clothes he wore, his never ending love for shoes, his favourite movies, the choice of books he read. But she came in his life anyway without earning him, and I had to leave.

I was broken because I missed him. There were so many times I thought I couldn’t live without him or I couldn’t live with the idea of him belonging to some other random woman. I thought of taking my life. I cried tears of blood every night.

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I lost control over my life. I lost the meaning of life and I also lost the meaning of love. Every new day became a burden I had to carry around, but I had no choice. He was just taken away from me and given to somebody else like a toy, only because I belonged to a different religion.

And then I began to think that he may find love in her again, he might find happiness with her. I couldn’t bear to see him in love with somebody else, but for the sake of love I had for him, I never wanted to see him miserable either.

But he came back again broken, unhappy, miserable and more in love with me than ever before. He did not love her even if he tried to. I wasn’t happy without him, he wasn’t happy without me and his wife wasn’t happy with him as he did not show any love to her.

It became an ugly affair, but we found each other again more in love. We began to find happiness again with each other which came at a big price. I became pregnant with his child. But I couldn’t keep the baby because I wasn’t married to him and somebody else was.

He began spending more of his time outside the house than with you all, I wonder, how it never occurred to you that he wasn’t happy. Didn’t you love him enough to want to see him happy and healthy? He took to alcohol to avoid his pain and miseries. Didn’t you love him enough to do what was right for him? Didn’t you love him enough to sacrifice for him, the way he did for you.

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But who was I to question. He was your son and you knew the best for him maybe. I suddenly became the other woman in his life from the love of his life, though he never treated me like one.

I realised, it was high time to take a stand for our relationship, but it didn’t happen, I kept waiting, but he didn’t do anything except asking his wife to leave him because he couldn’t love her. But she didn’t leave him either, not because she loved him, but because she had her own reasons. He had his reasons and his wife had her reasons, and I still didn’t have a choice.

I loved him so much that it was difficult living without him, something I already had tried.

He promised me that when the time was right, he would make everything alright. I believed in our love, and knew that nothing could go wrong. He did things for me like a husband does for his wife. He took care of all my needs. He kept telling me that he would soon give me everything I deserved. I believed every word he said.

Things became casual as the time passed and I began to pester him less than before as I thought he knew better. It has been four years since he got married and we are still in a relationship which is stronger than ever. All these years I never questioned his loyalty towards me. It was the most valuable thing I had.

He stayed with me no matter what, even though he had a wife who was a stranger living with him for four years. And then lightening struck again, I found out she was pregnant with his child. And again my world came tumbling down.
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All my love and hardwork to keep this relationship going for all these years went into the drain. And this time it was him, who claimed to love me more than his life, who was responsible. I could feel all the hatred in me swelling up. The bubbles of my happy life were bursted.

My wait for him finally got over only to lose him at the end, only to find myself lonely and unhappy again. Today, I continue to love him and hope to forgive him and all of you someday.

And today I know one thing certainly. I may not have been the daughter-in-law you would have chosen but I surely would have become a daughter-in-law you wanted me to become. I may not belong to your religion, but I would have loved and adapted to it as my own, and I may not have been the ideal wife, but I’m sure I would have done everything to keep him happy.

But thank you for not choosing me because as of today I wouldn’t choose you to be my in-laws and your son to be my husband. I know I am a better person than all of you. I didn't need a religion to prove my worth. And in my eyes it is only me who has come out of all this clean and guilt-free.

Yours sincerely,

The ‘other’ woman.

Editor's Note:

Share this story for millions of women and men who get separated in the name of religion.