We Used To Study "Maths" Together. But What We Really Had Was Uncontrollable "Chemistry"!

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

"I have to remind myself to breathe, almost to remind my heart to beat.”

I was coming out of my class when I first saw her. Time stood still and the world suddenly seemed sweeter. I was mesmerized by her flawless face as I just stood there staring. I think she was wearing a Salwar suit and was holding some books but I can’t be sure as I was hypnotized just looking at her face. I was so lost in her beauty that I lost track of time and suddenly, she was gone. I tried to follow her and I saw that her father was there to pick her up. That night was magical. I could only think about that face, those innocent eyes. Sleep was out of the question.

Love was in the air.

The Next day, she came in her salwar suit again. WOW, she was stunning. I was sitting on the last bench with my friends and got to know her name. I remember that I had already started sounding our names together. That feeling of the first love was something incredible. Soon, I saw a friend of mine talking to her about something (later I got to know that it was about class notes) and a terrible feeling of jealousy and anger took over. I wanted to do something, wanted to talk to her before she's gone. That night, my emotions again wouldn't allow me to sleep. I decided that I HAD to talk to her the next day. My ecstasy had reached peak levels. Next morning, when I woke up to get the newspaper (the duty assigned to every young boy in every Indian family), I saw her. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, wondering if I was still dreaming. NOPE. This was real! She was with her Mom.

My minded started racing from one thought to another “Oh My God! This is crazy. She is my neighbor! How could I not know? How stupid am I? Shit. I am in my Boxers! What do I do? Damn, she looks so beautiful. WAIT, I have to get ready for school!”


I had never been this excited to attend school. I picked up a seat in a row right next to where she sits. My friends snickered and teased me as friends do, but I could not care. My world belonged to her. A few minutes later, God lent a helping hand. Her bag fell from her seat and I quickly pounced to pick it up. As I got up to give it to her, she smiled and my heart almost jumped out of my skin. FINALLY, she had noticed me. I wanted to sing and dance and shout. I wanted to jump around in circles. I wanted to tell the world I loved her and that she was mine!

Attending classes just to see her became a daily routine now and we had started talking (only about notes and classroom stuff) but a conversation is a conversation. The story got an interesting turn on a beautiful day when she talked about something other than class notes. She acknowledged my presence and said, "We are neighbours". She had seen me there a lot (that was the best moment for me in that week). I shook my head and in mind, I was doing the Gangnam Style.

Another week passed and we actually started to become friends. We used to meet often in the morning (of course my princess was always with her mother, who would eye me as if I was an escaped murderer). But the best part was that her mother ended up playing d the role of cupid! Her mom suggested that I could help her with her maths preparation. I was SOOO EXCITED (Thanks Dad, for all those hours drilling maths sense into me. It was finally paying off).

This was my time and I had to play it cool. I told them that I would have to think about it. Believe it or not, I actually genuinely got rather busy after this and forgot about it. My birthday was around the corner plus cricket was taking up a lot of my time (I was born to be a cricketer). But on a fateful day, her mother came to our house and asked me again if I could help her daughter with maths.

She must have been confused because I was blushing during the entire conversation. “Of course, Aunty. I would be happy to help her with maths”, said I. I managed to keep my heart from jumping out of my body in celebration.

Soon, I was in her home, big hall with lots of furniture. There was a framed picture of her on the mantle. Or maybe it was her brother. I don’t know…it was cute. I sat at the dining table, waiting for her. The smell of her entered before she did (I have actually asked her about which perfume she used but I loved it). So, we started discussing the subject she was struggling with. That didn’t last long because soon we were talking about everything under the sun but studies. Whenever her mother peered through the door, we would transform into scholars that were going to change the world. She would (inadvertently?) rub her leg against mine which was sometimes followed by that notorious smile. I loved this feeling. The thought that she probably liked me too was making me go crazy! But our study time converted to gossip time and then to our “secret talk” time.

Another month passed and I found myself sitting at her place sipping coffee and waiting for her to start a new chapter (the chapter of our love, eh, eh?) of maths. She came but she did not have the usual aura that she carries. She was sad. I asked her about it but she ignored me so I moved on with my maths session. After our study time, she just picked up her books and went into her room.

I had no idea what was happening. The next day in class, she didn’t talk to me. Same thing at her place again in the evening. I was frustrated by her behaviour, so I stopped going to her place. Her mother called me after few days and asked why I wasn’t coming over for study time. I told her some bullshit story related to homework and told her I would drop by soon. So, the Next day I was there again with books and notes and ready to take charge and be all business-like.

But then, she came in and I melted like a candle on a hot summer day. She looked like an angel had descended on earth.  Maybe it was because I saw her after what felt like years (it was only a few days).  

She asked me angrily why I had not been visiting.  Before I could answer, she grabbed my hand and suddenly I knew what heaven must be like. It was the first time she got so close to me. She told me about how she was going through “those days” (Ohhh) and how much she missed me. That day we were talking about binomial expressions (literally the most boring chapter invented in 10th-grade maths history) when she suddenly turned the last page of her notebook and wrote FLAMES with our names underneath. I didn’t know what this FLAMES was at that time. She explained the whole process and I was just speechless in the moment. It is a silly little game for calculating compatibility and I was surprised, amazed, excited at the same time. It was the confirmation for me that she felt the same way I did about…US.

By the way, for anybody interested, this FLAMES thing is like…let’s just say, it is not based on any scientific principles. Not reliable. It didn’t show any compatibility between us but I knew how much I loved her. A

Anyway, now our conversations had taken a special twist - we started talking about our crushes and feelings. I really wanted to tell her how much I loved her from the very first day I had seen her. But when you appear confident, you are actually confused and I didn’t know how she would take it if I simply confessed my feelings to ger. So, I couldn’t tell her (you know how it is). We circled the topic of Love without actually touching it.


24th August 2008. Time: 17:25 PM. “THE DAY”

She came to my house to check if I was Ok (The day before, I had gotten a bit sick and couldn’t go to her home for “study time” so she dropped by). I was thinking about her and suddenly, there she was. I wish for such miracles to happen every day. I still remember what she wore. She was in a blue top with black denims and she was wearing a stole around her neck. WOAH, she looked gorgeous. She held my face in her hands and just like that, my fever was gone.

She brought her lips to my ear and whispered: " I LOVE YOU”. Then, she kissed me on my cheeks.

That moment was frozen in time. I wanted to live in it. Make it my home forever. Just her and those three simple words " I LOVE YOU" and my dream had met my reality. Easily the best fever I have had in my life. When I came back to my senses, I knew what I had to do. I Kissed her. And we kissed again. And then, we kissed some more. I don’t know long it was but who keeps track of time in moments like these. It was her first kiss and my first love…just pure and uncorrupted and distilled to create the greatest high that life ever gives

This was the story of how I fell in love. Hey, You…I know you are reading this. I just wanted to say “I Love You”.

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