I didn’t just love her, but I worshiped her! She didn’t just love me, she owned me!
But life had taken a cruel turn. Sometimes, we make mistakes which are so outlandish that it makes you feel like things are beyond repair. Yes, that’s how I feel now when I reminisce the girl I loved and worshipped. There is no replacement for the reverence I feel for her. One thing is for sure, I will never be able to forget her, no matter where I go in life. Her memories will forever haunt me, and the mere thought of her getting married to someone else, and sharing romantic moments with someone other than me, makes me feel horrible, but I believe that this is my destiny.
Here’s the story of how I ended up loving her and getting hurt:
I became friends with this girl when our school ended, and we landed in college. I was an introvert and a shy person in school. I seldom spoke to girls and she was not an exception. We started talking on Facebook, soon our conversations became very frequent and we became the best of friends. It took me a few phone calls, few meetups, and just a few glances of her eloquent smile to realize that I had fallen in love with her. She was extremely beautiful and charming. I was losing my senses every day, and I prayed to God to make her mine. I was not aware then, that I was preparing a recipe for disaster. I was so madly in love with her, that even her simple message on WhatsApp made me happy and content. I loved her truly, but she considered me a friend only. I was okay with it because I was helpless. My World suddenly turned into a living hell when she stopped talking to me after she came to know about my feelings for her. I slipped into a sea of depression, I started drinking and my sorrow knew no boundaries.
I would weep alone and rile against my fate, but she didn't care. She just said that she wants me to move on.
Two months passed, and I was slowly learning to live without talking to her or thinking about her. But, she came back again in my life. She dropped me a message on WhatsApp casually, and I could not stop myself from replying to her. We again became the best of friends and this time, our friendship was more intense. She started coming to my place every single day, and we ended up talking for long hours and sharing rides. Deep down, I knew a catastrophic storm was awaiting me. I never gave up on the notion of impressing her.
The Optimist in me never gave up. After a year, I got placed in a MNC and moved away from my hometown.
She gave me a letter that stated how she would cherish my friendship and how much she will miss me. I loved every bit of it, but I kicked myself and reminded myself that I am “just a friend". Soon, because of distance and my busy schedule, our talks became less frequent. She broke all contact with me because of some personal reasons. I had no option left, other than blocking her from my life forever. I did so and moved on. I didn't talk to her for almost 1.5 years.
Just when I thought it's all over, she again came back in my life after a long span of 1.5 years.
I wanted to ignore her, but my everlasting love for her took control of my wandering mind. She was unwell, and she told me that my absence played a big part in her health getting deteriorated. I took care of her unconditionally as my love automatically made me do it. I expressed my feelings once again and she reciprocated this time.
I believe she could not refuse this time as she must have realized by then, that no one would love her more than I do. She finally managed to confess that I was more than friend to her, that she loves me too. I was on cloud nine. The moment I was dreaming of, came to fruition.
I was very happy, I was acclaimed. My joy surpassed all limits, and she made me feel loved. We would talk for the whole day, sharing moments of love and care with each other. My happiness was nearing its expiry date.
She then reminded me how we should stop talking to each other, as we cannot marry each other because of religious differences.
We had always discussed the obvious aftermath but could not stop expressing our love through messages, calls, etc. Soon, I went to my hometown to meet her. I hugged her, and she hugged me back. I asked her for a kiss, but she didn’t let me touch her. I tried to convince her, but she gave me a legit reason, that how she will never be able to forget me if she kisses me or gets intimate with me. Soon, she started talking about how we should stop talking to each other as things will be worse later.
Finally, I realized that I was chasing a path all my life which didn’t belong to me, and how I spent precious years of my life running behind someone who was never mine and could never be. I stopped talking to her and stopped replying to her casual messages.