To The Girl Who Slept With My Boyfriend: You’ll Pay A Heavier Price Than I Did

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 11 March, 2017

Women like you could have a pleasant face or one that could repel us. Your dressing could be provocative or simple, like ours. You could be funny or might just be a little subdued. You could be another me or could be one who is just miles apart. You could be my friend, my sibling or one about whom I have never heard of. There is no particular description I can give to define the women who sleep with our men. The woman who slept with my man. Amongst the many that I have come across, no matter how different they are, all of them have one common trait. They are brave. Brave enough to spoil someone’s relation, someone’s happiness. For me, she spoilt EVERYTHING. She took away all that I had.

The little s*** who proved to be my home wrecker was one I knew. We were friends. She shopped for fancy lingerie to seduce my guy- taking MY approval on the shades and designs. If only I knew I was digging my own grave! If only, these second women came with sign boards.

I shared a very normal relationship with him. He loved me, I loved him and so we were happy. When I say normal, I mean there was a perfect mix of all ingredients in the right proportion. There were fights, there was romance, there was love, there was understanding, there was passion and there was some good action. So yes, it was good. Four years in love, we were literally married to each other.

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That is the deal with relationships, you just start trusting each other blindly. You just know what is wrong. There is no pretense. It is about you and your special one and that is it. Well, that is how I used to feel. But trust me, two months or two decades, it doesn’t take time for your relation to turn into dust. Mine just did.

Things change, people change, relations change. I have always been one person who welcomes change with open arms. In those four years, there were countless changes that he kept undergoing. I dealt with it. In the last six months, it was weird. He would call me at odd hours just to say “I miss you” and then hang up. He would text me between meetings, which he never did before. He bought me presents without occasions. All that is normal for a relationship. But was not for ours. I think that is the only benefit of being with someone for such a long time, you develop a sixth sense. Mine was a tad bit stronger.

I would see him wearing new clothes, brush his hair the way he did when we started but what actually made me think in the right direction was his fragrance. No, it was not one of the female fragrances, in fact it was magically masculine. He had started smelling great. The journey from smelling nice to great is surely something to feel fishy about. Men have this unusual trait of impressing women with their scent.

When asked, he would tease me with a grin, “You have lost interest in me. I am considering other options.” If only I had believed what he said.
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Doesn’t a committed man have the right to look good, feel good and smell good? Does it always have to mean that they are cheating? That is exactly what I thought and decided to cut him some slack. Maybe, he is actually doing it for me. Maybe, that is his way of saying that we have been a lazy couple lately, let us spice things up a bit. Wishful thinking, females just never give up!

Being the fool that he wanted me to be, I gave in. We started experimenting, and it was great. It actually worked. I was a happier person. It was like falling in love with the same person all over again. Our relationship was fresher, better and maybe ready for the next step.

I was waiting for him to say it, after all that is why he brought about these changes. Didn’t he?

I was given that answer in the most dramatic way, a lipstick stain is what gave it all away. That is the day I realized that Bollywood movies actually portray real life situations. There is just some additional drama to it of course. But it was a lipstick stain that made me realize, how big a fool I was. The shade was very much similar to mine or exactly the same maybe. But I was sure it wasn’t mine. I was sure wasn’t I?

Contrary to the way I would react normally, I kept shut- Didn’t howl or cry in front of him, didn’t beg for answers. That day, I realized I was stronger than I thought. What was more important to me at that point was, WHO IS THAT GIRL? My blood ran so cold with anger that it felt important for me to catch them red handed. Just like in the mystery novels.

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I would notice every change that had gotten into this man, who was once my man. He didn’t love me less, instead to a third person, he loved me more. Pretense is what it was, induced by a little guilt and a lot of panic. I never checked his phone, never felt the need to until all this happened. Inbox was normal, just random dinner discounts, credit card messages, sales and everything that I was not looking for. Whatsapp, email, call log, everything was just fine. There was an unread message, I opened it, it was Neha (name changed), his colleague. She texted him saying that his grey file is ready, just the way he wanted and will be in his room. Again it hit me, am I just overthinking this? Maybe, I should just ask him. Wanted to but couldn’t. I was so angry that I didn’t trust myself to be inconspicuous.

Once you start suspecting, you just can’t stop. I started checking his phone on a regular basis. I was feeling sad, maybe it is not him but it is me who is spoiling the relationship. Every time I saw it was Neha, talking about some coloured files that were waiting in his room. It took a while but then I noticed, as soon as he would get this message he would get ready and leave.

Neha was a very friendly, chirpy and hard working girl. They had been working together for almost two years. I liked her. Her fashion sense was quiet similar to mine. We have gone out a couple of times, watched movies, just me and her, we have gone out shopping. AND we love the same lip colour. So was it Neha? I didn’t want to believe it. We weren’t the best of friends but we were good friends and she loved us as a couple. Could she have done this to us?

I turned spy one day and followed him. He went to an apartment… and came out with her. So that was it. They had rented an apartment for their ‘official meetings’. They walked together as if in love. She was looking hot in an off-shoulder dress, revealing pink bra straps. It was easy after that, that day it was a pink file waiting for him in his room.

The room was the room of the rented apartment and the colour of the file was the colour of the lingerie. I should have known, he had a fetish for sexy lingerie, but I thought that was for me.

I wanted to say so much to her, wanted to yell, call her names, slap her maybe. I couldn’t. I felt cheated. All my confidence, my courage, it was all gone. What if he asks me to go away? What if instead of pacifying me, he protects her? He cheated on me for her, is she better than me? I was shattered.

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I couldn’t say anything. He came home. He tried to explain. He had his own version to the story. I didn’t listen. I left. She got to know. She dropped me a long text message. I didn’t reply. I was too hurt to respond. That one revelation that broke me. It took away everything. It has been seven years now. I couldn’t trust anyone after that. I didn’t get married and didn’t fall in love. I worked on my career, I am frighteningly successful. I am definitely satisfied with my life but I think I can never be happy. Not because he cheated but because I kept quiet.

That is why I am here today. To speak to every woman who has cheated, on behalf of every woman who has been cheated on.

You knew what you are getting into. You have a number of excuses, I know. You thought we fell out of love. It happened in the spur of the moment. You were sad and alone. It just happened once. Love has no boundaries. I was a liability to him, he never loved me. But you were still temporary, I was his constant.

Well, suit yourself, and serve this doze of utter bullshit to your own conscience so that you don’t start hating yourself. The truth is, you are a home wrecker. You put a full stop to what could have been our happy ending. You were just plain selfish, you crushed anything and anyone that came your way.

You saw me go shop for him before I bought anything for myself, you saw me choose things for myself keeping in mind his likes and dislikes, you saw me cook for him, you saw me hugging him, you saw me looking at him. You saw all of that. How did you still have the heart to do this?

I’m amazed. I’m amazed at your boldness.
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Remember, if a man can cheat once, he can cheat twice. He didn’t leave me for you, he could have never. He cheated, because he was a cheater. You can go on and on about your love for him but the truth is, it was not love but an outcome of your loneliness.

I didn’t lose. It was his loss. When you spent hours getting ready, just to grab his attention. I was giving him a remedy for his constant backache. When you were buying different coloured lingerie, I was visualising the strokes of colours on the walls of the house that could have been mine.

I can never forget, the last thing he said to me, “She could never be you. She can never be you. She was just there. It won’t matter if she’s gone”.

I was happy. Not because he didn’t love you or he loved me more. But because he will soon make you step into my shoes, and that day you will realize. I was happy because he felt the need to justify, means I left a mark, which you will never.

He can never love. Not me, not you, he is a cheater. Sometimes you are so disappointed with someone, that you have nothing left to say. That is what happened with him.

But you. I am angry. How could you do this to another one of you. Maybe he trapped you or maybe you loved him, but there are a few boundaries, you should never cross. You have nearly destroyed my life. I thought you were a respectable woman, but then I realized you are just the second woman, that I would never want to be. Selfish, arrogant and self-centred. You’re a bitch and sadist.

You had a choice. You made your pick. I don’t know if you are happy with it or not. To me, you are the tsunami that washed away everything.

Him? I now like to believe that men are cheaters. No matter how much you love them, how sexy you look, how much you pamper them, they would cheat. It is an aim that they are born with. But a woman can make it stop. All you need to do is draw the line. The sex ratio in India is such that woman have innumerable options to pick from, make the most of it.

Why go for men who are already taken? Why spoil someone’s life like you did to mine?

Committed men, are obviously the attractive lot. Tried and tested. Well- experienced. So yes, agreed they are a good option. And obviously everybody wants to enter the prohibited zone. But…

Aren’t you a woman after all? Won’t I haunt you for the rest of your life? Won’t the guilt kill you? And I am sure, despite all efforts, you don’t want him to say, “She used to do it this way, she did it better, she reacted like this.”

Make your choices. Because men will be men, we can’t expect from them. Had Neha wanted, she could have said No. Life would have been different. Very Different!

Author's Note:

It took me seven years to finally say it. Women need to say No. Women need to draw boundaries. Invading other’s terrain is easy, finding a spot for yourself in someone else’s terrain is easier. What is difficult is to build your own empire from scratch. Try doing that instead of blowing away someone else’s castle.