We do not talk anymore like those golden days of our friendship since our paths have changed, but I still miss you. I often ask myself, “If we are living in the same city or neighbourhood, would we still be friends right now?”
I wonder if we haven’t made different decisions, pursued different dreams, wanted different things, everything would still be the same for all of us.
Sometimes I find myself browsing our old photos together, our moments that were captured at a certain time, and suddenly my heart hurts a little. I look at our smiling faces, and see how happy we were, how young and vain we all acted, how we never expected that one day, we would no longer talk to each other anymore.
We were best of friends. We had the kind of relationship that was like a family. We shared so many similar interests. We went to the same place. We loved the same food. And it’s still hard for me to understand even now, how we all grew apart. But maybe time and distance have recklessly ruined our friendships. Maybe at one point, we have grown tired of trying to reach out, because we have become busy in our separate lives.
We have forgotten to say hello once in a while. And sadly, we have slowly turned out to be strangers to each other. I hate to think that our bonds have become some far-off memories.
It makes me so sad to remember the time when I whispered to myself that you guys were the friends I wanted to grow old with, and I still do. I still wish to spend the rest of my life with you. Because the truth is, I can’t imagine myself being in a completely different group of people. Most of the time, I hope that you think of me, of how I’m doing, of what’s keeping me busy. I hope that you still remember the lovely memories we had. And I hope that you also wish to see each other again.
I know you don’t like me -or us- to be emotional, but honestly, I miss you every day. My heart aches from missing you every day. I miss our world. I miss the way our conversations would never stop. I miss the days that we barely touched our phones because we were already enough for each other. I miss the nights when we would spend whole time gossiping until midnight, and laugh without a care in the world, to everyone around us. I miss everything about our friendships, even the little fights, even the cold moments, even the times when we said nothing and stayed quiet.
Nobody knows me the way that you do. No one understands why I get worked up about little things better than you do. Not a single person notices how I bite the inside of my cheek and how my ears turn red when I find someone good-looking. Only you people truly recognize the real me inside out. And it sucks that you’re not around to support me in everything that I do.
I wish the universe will create a way to bring me back to all of you because life has been dull lately without the friends I truly feel connected with. I need people who remind me that I’m still young, and I should be having fun. I need a friendship that truly cares about everything that matters to me. I need friends whom I can count on when I’m having a rough day.
I will do everything to have a second chance in building my connections with you. And I hope that you do too. I hope you know that I am only one text away. I am still the same person you can share your burden about the world. And I am just here, doors open, ready to welcome you back, so we can live like crazies again.
My heart is waiting for our moment of re-connection. My voice can’t wait to laugh again, the way it does when I’m with you. My soul is demanding me to live life without following rules. My mind wants to remember what it feels like to be incredible, insanely happy.
I want nothing but to have you back, to bring out the best in me, and to make me smile like no other. I want us to be always there for each other, leaning on each other, counting on each other.