This is my friend and roommate Simmy's (Not her real name) story. Simmy and I stayed together for about 8 months in a PG in Mohali. She was a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky girl.
We were good friends and shared our love stories with each other. Simmy was a law graduate working with a private law firm. Being a law student, she loved arguing and discussing any and every topic. She had a habit of looking for logic in everything.
Little did she know that this habit would cost her a lot in the future.
Soon she got married to her best friend's elder brother. They shifted to his hometown in Madhya Pradesh. Her husband was in a marketing job and so he was mostly travelling.
His family’s nature was a complete contrast to Simmy’s vibrant nature but she tried adjusting. She even left her job to take care of her new family.
Around that time, I too went back to my hometown Lucknow as I was getting married. We hardly spoke during this period.
After about 18 months of her marriage, I saw her DP on Whatsapp and she seemed to have put on a lot of weight. I decided to call her and ask her how her married life was going on. She told me that both of them had shifted to a small town where her husband was posted. It was not far from her in-laws' town.
As we got talking, she confessed to me that they had never had sex in the past 18 months. I was shocked!
The reason was her "fear of getting intimate". I warned her that this lack of intimacy could create problems but she simply said, "Yaar shaadi me sirf yahi nahi hota. Hamara pyaar aisa nahi hai, yeh bahut acche hain".
I knew there was no point in arguing with her but I still said, "I know ki shadi me sirf yahi nahi hota, lekin ye bhi hota hai. It is an important part".
I told her that she shouldn’t get astonished if her husband were to find another woman.
Her in-laws too had started pressurizing them to start a family. Neither her husband nor she had any explanation to give to their respective families. She would scream even when he tried getting close to her.
She couldn't bear the pain or I must say, "the fear of pain", even though she got her hymen broken by a doctor.
Soon her husband stopped trying. To create the mood, I even suggested some movies, which were quite arousing, but she found no logic in them!
Both of them would not talk to each other for days on end.
They slept on opposite corners of the bed. I wonder if they’d ever even kissed each other.
In the meanwhile, I had a baby and she was very happy for me. She loved kids. Soon I got involved with my baby and we couldn't talk much.
One day, I dropped her a message to check how she was doing. She replied that she was in Haryana and was working in a court there. I was a bit surprised and wondered what she was doing in Haryana. I asked her if her husband had been transferred?
She didn't say much at that time. A few days back, I pinged her to inform her about my father’s demise and she responded that her husband wanted a divorce, as she couldn't satisfy him.
She was living separately from him thinking that the time apart would help save the situation.
But it didn’t work as she’d expected. Her family even went to meet her in-laws and figure a solution but her husband said, "Isko kuch pata hi nahi hai, main jab iske paas jaata toh yeh mujhe dhakka maar deti thi, chillati thi. Shaadi iske liye nahi bani hai".
Embarrassed, she came back. Their divorce is in the process and they will soon be free from each other after 5 disturbed years.
But I am speechless and unable to decide whose fault was it.
Did her fear take away her happiness? Or were her husband's desires responsible for it?