She Was Supposed To Be Mine. How Could It Go So Wrong?

( words)
*For representational purpose only.


I woke up with a ginormous smile on my face, a sight that was rare as I am a person who's rather melancholic most of the times, for I had finally got what I wanted infallibly - the most beautiful woman on the face of Earth (for me, at least), my girlfriend. The woman I believed would be my wife, my honey for all time to come. 

It wasn't until the day before that I had finally decided to confess my feelings to her. My hands fluttered as I dialled her number since I had was finally making the move I had wanted to do that for a long LONG time. As I uttered the 3 magical words that everyone in this world hankers for, I jumped with joy as she reciprocated my feelings and said: “I love you, too". She told me she was old school and wanted to stay with me forever and ever, no matter what happens. Words can't express the joy I felt within as with those words she became mine, forever.

As time passed, I grew so emotionally attached to her that dying seemed like a better alternative to a life without her. Every moment I spent with her felt like being next to an angel, who had spread her wings around me like a blanket - a serene, beautiful comfort that made me experience tranquillity like I never had earlier. We decided to not let anything or anyone to come in between of our relationship, even if it had to be our parents, which was not ideal but then again, everything's fair in love and war. 

Although everything was almost perfect, things did get jittery between two of us at times. She told me she was suffering from anxiety and depression and I did everything I could to help her. Even so, I wished I could take every inch of sorrow away from her and felt helpless at being unable to do so. 

"Everything seemed like a fairytale. But that's the problem with fairytales - they don't exist in real life or if they do, they are short-lived"

The eight months I was with her passed at the speed of light until one fine day, all hell broke loose. 


I called her as I got back home from school, expecting her to come to meet me as usual;. Exuberant as I was, I talked to her like I always did. But something didn't quite sound right with her. She sounded rather ponderous as I asked her repeatedly what was wrong to no avail. Until finally, she broke down and told me that her mother had gotten to know of our relationship. She said she couldn't be with me as I was a Punjabi and she was Assamese, a union her parents vehemently opposed.

She then went ahead and said," I want us to be friends from now on ".

What a thunderclap these words were to me! I couldn't believe that the one person who I knew that I wanted to be with forever, had on the spur of a moment, decided to just to take the easy way out of my life. She shattered my heart into a million pieces and left me all broken and alone.

As the days progressed, I besieged her to continue talking to me for I couldn't stay a day without hearing her voice. During those days, I picked up an anxiety disorder, started having panic attacks and developed suicidal tendencies. I wanted to just cut myself and die but somehow, I managed to not give in to the temptation. l told her all about all the terrible things that I was going through but she paid no heed to it. They were the darkest and painful days of my life. I felt like I was alone in the world with nobody there to support me and guide me through all this emotional mess that I had found myself trapped in. 

I couldn’t take it anymore. After another couple of months, I pleaded with her to take me back as I still had extremely strong feelings for her. My exams were approaching but she was the only thing I could think about.

I told her how much I missed her and how much I loved her with every ounce of my being. I told her that I missed her lips against mine, her hand clasped in my hands. I told her that I missed the way she looked at me when she laughed and the way we hugged when we met. But I wasn’t in anyway prepared for how she would respond!

I was told that I'm a pervert. She said, “A real man is the one who takes his girlfriend to his parents and not to his bedroom”. It felt like she was on a mission to destroy every bit of self-respect that I had remaining. And perhaps if that wasn't enough, I was reminded of how I wasn't 'fit' enough for her as she admired some other guys she knew were in a shape. But that wasn’t the end of it. Apparently, I also had a poor sense of humour and I didn't deserve a girl like her. 

I couldn't believe that SHE, of all people, could say this to me. I was crushed and it felt like I didn't have a purpose to live anymore. This empty feeling took over and it felt like a cloud of gloom had permanently taken shape in the sky of my life.

Time passed slowly, and I was somehow able to get through my board examinations. I tried my best to get over her, but NO, these wounds were not going to heal easy. I am still not able to find joy in the little things like I used to. I have not had a genuine smile on my face for so long. Nothing seems to interest me and I am still stuck with my anxiety and depression while she is living her life to the fullest, travelling to places, meeting new people.

She emotionally destroyed me. She took over my heart, only to snatch away any chance for me to ever find love with her again.

I can't help but hate you because of what you did to me. I didn't know that love could be so destructive and passion can be as temporary as a season. If only I knew, for I could have avoided jumping into this hell hole. But I did it without a thought. For YOU.

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