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She Is Supposed To Be My Sister But She Made Me Feel Like I Was Worthless

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I am a very patient person and many people have praised me for this quality. I yearned to share a sisterly bond with my sister all through my life. But so far all I have got is only disrespect.
My sister is a self-centred person who thinks only of herself. She has almost always bullied me. I have been nothing less than kind to her. I have always tried to protect her from harm.

I used to be such a happy and bubbly person earlier. I was full of life and confidence. I became depressed after I went through my first heartbreak. She would taunt me at this time. She started bullying me again, and this made me all the more depressed. She would call me names like "fat and ugly" and would criticize everything that I did – whether it was driving or cooking.

She would always say, “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.” I ignored her when she said such mean things too. But I guess when you hear the same words over and over again every day in your life – you start believing it.

She made me feel like I was a useless, good for nothing and ugly person. She would keep telling me to lose weight. I never replied to her. I kept my feelings to myself. I overcame my heartbreak and moved on with my life. Eventually, I got married, but it turned out to be a bad marriage. I faced abuse, dishonesty and mistreatment in my marriage. I left my husband and filed for a divorce when I was just a few weeks pregnant. I didn't have much of a choice, so I moved back with my parents. Little did I know that my life would become even more miserable now.

Meanwhile, she got engaged. My parents hosted a big engagement party for her while I was in the middle of my divorce.

No one ever asked me how I felt. I pretended to be happy even when I felt miserable from inside. No one cared to check if I was doing okay. I felt so broken from inside because I was dealing with all this alone. I was just supposed to act normal and be happy for her. So I did just that. I never opened up to anyone about how I felt.

Her fiancé was very dependent on my parents. He practically lived with us. I was pregnant and didn’t feel comfortable with this. But when I expressed my feelings and asked for some privacy, my family would lash out at me.

They would tell me that I was “bitter and jealous” because my sister had found herself a good man.

She even kicked me out of her room once when I was pregnant. She made me sleep on the floor of our living room because I told her that her fiancé was a freeloader who wouldn't be able to support her in future if he depended on my parents.

All hell broke loose when I said that. I spent the entire night crying by myself in the living room.

I never cried in front of anyone else because I was always scared of being told that it was not that big a deal.

I had become immune now. I did not mind it if people ignored me and my feelings.

I would cry in the bathroom. Often I would cry when I was alone or would cry myself to sleep. My sister made me feel like I was a burden on my parents but in fact, it was her fiancé who was a burden on them.

My parents loved me and did not mind taking care of me when I needed their support. But my fiancé was not their responsibility. If I ever brought such things to their notice, they would call me the bad guy. I knew my parents too would disagree with me. My sister would embarrass me in front of others. She would call me names and laugh at me. She would just be rude to me in general. She would pass smart comments and show me her attitude in public.

I would always lose all my confidence when she did this. I dreaded going out in public with her. She would never miss a single opportunity to bring me down.

My parents and I had an understanding that they would take care of my baby while I went to work. I had been working full time all through this phase. I had been supporting myself ever since I started working. I had never asked anyone for any kind of financial support. My friends, co-workers and relatives noticed that I had changed. Everyone thought that my marriage had broken me, but no one knew that it was my sister who was breaking me up like this.

It hurts a lot when your own blood relatives tear you apart like this.

It has been six years now. Today I am blessed with a beautiful son. I am slowly trying to regain my confidence.

I want to recreate my old self.

I want to be the life of the party again. I had always been a happy person. I had always faced all my challenges with a smile on my face.

I still don’t know why my own sister did this to me. Maybe she felt insecure when she was around me. My sister has never lived a single life like me. She does not know how to be happy by herself.

I knew I had this ability, so maybe that is why she felt insecure. Perhaps that is why she wanted to lower my self- esteem. She constantly craves for attention, but I am the exact opposite of that. I can only guess this to be the reason for her behaviour. Maybe she was scared of me. I will never know about it though.

I have decided to cut her off from my life completely.

I communicate with her only when it is necessary. I don’t know if I can ever forgive her. Maybe I will be able to forgive her when I have healed completely.

I have a different purpose in life now. I want to be my son’s strength.

I want to raise him to be a strong and confident child even though I am a single mother. I want him to look up to me when he is older. I will not tolerate it if anyone tries to mistreat him or me anymore. I put my foot down now and refuse to tolerate any kind of abuse. I always had a smile on my face when I grew up. I want him to see that side of me when he grows up.

I am proud of myself. I have every reason to be proud of myself and I don’t care if others are not proud of me.

I faced all the challenges of my life all by myself. I got very little support from others. I know that not everyone is capable of doing that. I just hope no one else goes through such things in their life.

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