I am a 32-year-old man with a simple yet complicated story. I had been married to my childhood sweetheart for 3 years when this happened.
I loved her and still love her very much. But it suddenly became complicated when she told me that she was pregnant.
I was not mentally, emotionally, or financially ready for a child.
We were having safe sex but somehow, this accident happened. I told her to consider if it was the right time to have a baby but she was not ready for any discussion. I tried talking to her several times on this matter but every time the conversation ended in her crying out loud, blaming me for being irresponsible.
That is when I realized that she was thrilled to have the baby. So, I tried to overcome my fears and be by her side.
But she was going away from me. I tried spending more time with her but that was also not working.
We lived in a 1 BHK and I worked odd hours. It was becoming difficult for her to stay at our place. Hence, I suggested that she stay with her parents.
She readily accepted. However, I couldn’t stay there with her as it was far from my office.
I would visit her on weekends but the problem was that she never kept in touch with me on weekdays.
Whenever I’d call, she would either be busy or wouldn’t want to talk. It made me depressed, as I needed to talk to her.
I needed her. But she was not present emotionally.
Around this time, I happened to send a “Hi!” to Priya who is my former colleague’s girlfriend. She had been on my friend list for a long time but we’d never chatted before.
Priya also replied with a “Hi!” I started asking her about her studies and other things. She replied sweetly. She was 8 years younger than me.
After that day, I started messaging her regularly and would eagerly wait for her replies.
One day, I asked for her phone number and she said that it was the same as her boyfriend except for 9 in the place of 8. Since I had her boyfriend’s number, I figured her number too. We started chatting on WhatsApp.
It was harmless chatting and soon, we became good friends.
She was a patient listener and always supported me. After chatting for a few days, I asked her to meet me. She declined at once because it could cause a problem in her relationship.
She agreed to meet only if her boyfriend accompanied her. But I didn’t want that.
Being older, I realized I could manipulate the situation. I somehow convinced her to meet me for 10 minutes on her way to her university.
The day finally came. She was even more beautiful in person but was very shy. I felt like I had fallen in love. I kept looking for other opportunities to meet her.
She was oblivious to my intentions and talked to me as a friend.
When I was about to have my baby, she supported me throughout. She even brought many gifts for my baby girl and wanted to come and see her.
But I was not ready to introduce her to my wife because I was afraid that she'd guess that I was in love with her.
When I finally told her the reason why I couldn’t take her home, she broke down because she never thought that I could have such intentions. She told me never to call or message her again and blocked me from everywhere.
I have no means to reach her or apologize to her.
I can only see her picture if her boyfriend uploads something, as he is still on my friend list. I miss her terribly and I really want her to hold my baby.
It has been a year now. Recently, I saw their pre-wedding photos and felt very sad. But I hope she finds happiness in her new life.
Priya, if you are reading this, please forgive me and know that I had no ill-intentions.
I really treasure your friendship as it helped me come out of depression.