I’ve been married for 5 years now. It was an arranged marriage.
I was madly in love with someone else but I belonged to a conservative family and was the only daughter.
My father was once pressurized to remarry just for a male heir. But he always stood up for me and I was under immense pressure to be the dutiful daughter with a good character (Unfortunately, even in today’s times, loving someone means that you are characterless).
After 8 years of being in a relationship, we mutually parted ways and I got married to a man of my father’s choice.
Post marriage, we had to live separately due to our jobs and honestly, I was happy because I needed time to forget my past.
Being a media person, I was so busy with work that I had no time for my new husband. But he never complained.
Initially, I did not realize it but after around 6 months, a friend jokingly remarked, “Wow, your husband never complains that you’re always busy with work. Lucky you!” Somewhere, her words hit me hard.
What was the matter with my husband? Why was he so cool about things? Why had he never asked about my past like any other husband?
I don’t know what energy drove me but I resigned from my job the very next day and asked my husband to book my tickets at the earliest because I wanted to be with him.
However, I did feel a sense of discomfort from his end while doing this.
Within a month, I was with him in his city. Then came 31st December 2013, an evening that changed my life forever.
As it was New Year’s Eve, my husband got so drunk that he fell asleep the moment we returned home after a party. Suddenly, his phone beeped. It was 4 a.m.
I checked his phone and it was a message, in fact, a reply that said, “Happy New Year to you too!” My husband was extremely lazy when it came to such formalities. Hence, I couldn’t help but wonder whom could he wish from his side?
My sleep disappeared, my heart was pounding and I was literally shivering because of the possibilities.
I took his phone, opened his laptop and hacked into his Gmail accounts. I saw 3 accounts, endless chats and intimate pictures of his ex, who was actually not an ex because they were still in a relationship!
Yes, my husband was cheating on me!
He was having an affair even after a year of our marriage while I was trying so hard to adjust to his life.
I’d left a beautiful relationship of 8 long years and he was doing this to me! That is why he was in no hurry for us to stay together.
To top it all, he was in a relationship with a married woman.
I was numb. I saw their pictures, their latest intimate pictures and their chats where that lady and my husband were crying because he was getting married. It broke me from inside.
I’d married a man who was cheating on me.
I knew what love is; I’d felt it and I respected the feeling. But he never shared this with me instead he kept fooling me.
The next morning, I confronted him. He was shocked when I told him that I wanted a divorce. He fell to my feet and repeatedly apologized for what he had done.
He begged me not to leave and also made up a story that she was blackmailing him to be with her.
I gave him another chance because even God gives us a second chance. They parted ways and she settled in the USA and also has a daughter now. (Thanks to Facebook for such updates).
I was also blessed with a baby boy two months ago. But somewhere, I miss that inner peace.
That scar is so deep that even today, I have nightmares that my husband is cheating on me.
I cannot forget those chats in which they were planning to visit an exotic place for a mini honeymoon and my husband did it post marriage! I often wonder, “Why did this happen to me?”
I did this for my father and his respect and now I have a son and I have to live for him. It is true that you should not blindly trust someone because some day, they will prove that you’re blind. My husband did that to me and it changed my life.
He tries really hard to be good and I know that he has changed.
But I can’t forget the other side of the story. I am with him only because of my son. I don’t want my son to be fatherless and he is an amazing father.
I think about leaving him every single moment but watching my son’s happy eyes when he sees his father is a priceless possession.
I’m just living in this hope that someday, things will get better.