My Father Wasn't Letting Me Marry The Love Of My Life, I'm Glad I Stopped Talking To Him

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 4 April, 2017

Let me tell you one thing first, it’s not necessary that blood relations are the only ones that last forever. Few of them are just holding their names.

It all started when I got into a relationship with a guy I actually had a crush on, a couple of years ago. The guy (I’m not revealing his name here, for some reason) had a small business of mobile phones, pretty enough to support himself and people around, but what attracted me the most was his simplicity and his straightforwardness, which is something you don’t always find these days.

I told my family about my relationship with, I never hid anything from my family. At first they had common issues like every other Indian family like, "How can you be happy there?" "Oh, he isn’t so qualified.” and so on. But somehow my mother took an instant liking towards him when she met him. Now before I proceed, let me introduce you to my father, a nerd doctor with loads of bookish knowledge about everything. The worst part is that he doesn’t even want to believe that there can be a world beyond his bookish thoughts.

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I was passionate about studying literature all throughout my life, and my father never liked it. Ever since I took up literature, my father stopped paying for my studies. In other words, he literally escaped his part of being a father. Thus, I grew up believing that my father would never take any interest in me and my life, which, unfortunately proved to be correct in every step.

Finally my mother tried talking to my father about my boyfriend (now my husband). AT first he had the normal objections as expected, but I found him a bit more worked up than I thought he would. Believing it was the last chance I could be happy in life, I begged and pleaded before him to meet my boyfriend once, to which he agreed awkwardly but fast enough — something I doubted immediately but couldn’t prove anything.

Eventually I put aside my doubts and started thinking about my preparations for the wedding. My father suggested that my boyfriend met everyone in our ancestral home along with me to which he reluctantly agreed. Even he could sense something wasn’t right, honestly I knew it too, but I had no proof. We went to our elders one Sunday. I swear I had never been so numb before that day.

Imagine people judging a person’s personality and nature by seeing his eyes, ears, forehead and LIPS.
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I mean what kind of concept is that? And was that how you treat a guest? They called themselves "educated", I hadn’t seen a more illiterate person than the people at my ancestral home that day. My boyfriend kept a cool mind quite contrary to what was going on inside my head. The worst part happened with my mother when all of a sudden she turned down all that she had said and started believing that bullshit. Of course I didn’t blame her for that.

It isn’t really that easy to doubt a person whom you have trusted for more than 50 years for apparently no reason. At the same time I could not even explain to her that she was being misled. Clearly it was a “NO” from my family and my mother was torn between contradictory decisions. I was left with no other option but to pray to God for things to be fine.

Finally one day, to specify, the very day when I had to submit my assignments, my father came over and started his story. He had found an eligible match for me, some nerdy guy from IIT Kharagpur, a typical “wealthy” one with some “branded” qualifications - like he was from IIT. He would be an NRI soon, and thus, my father’s “respect and image” would remain flawless. I was numb again, as that was the last thing I thought he would do.

I still cannot imagine how politely yet schemingly he started advising me, "Ami tor jonno ekta chhele dekhechi, khub bhalo, eto taka rojkar kore, eto sonman, tui ekhane khub khusi thakbi, jemon ichhe ghurte jabi, ektu adjust kore nibi, amar jonno ei tuku korte parbi na bol?" (My daughter, I have found this guy for you, he’s rich and he’s earned so much respect, you can travel the world with him, you just have to adjust a little, can’t you do just this much for me?) I didn’t utter a word, I quietly left for my college.

My father unsuccessfully tried to stop me that day, thinking I had an appointment with my boyfriend.
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When I came back, I had to witness the most horrible thing, my mother crying, something that had become quite regular every time my father came home. Before I even asked my father what was wrong, he started elaborating- “Your mother constantly kept trying to defend that boyfriend of yours, when I am trying to save you from him, all of you are ungrateful people who have never learned to sacrifice, only taking services are all you people know."

I didn’t let him speak more, I burst out all my agony once and for all, thus confronting him, “If you knew these people weren’t good enough to take care of me, then being my father, why the hell didn’t you take care of me?” He had no answer for that. That was the last day my father and I spoke with each other.

On 13th July, this year, I got married to my love. AND it happened exactly the way we both wished for. A grand wedding with friends and family, except my father and some other members, everyone was present and they all said one thing unanimously - “There couldn’t have been a better match for you”. It was the happiest day of my life.

A couple of weeks after my marriage, my mother came to know the whole story behind my father’s decisions, something which I figured out much earlier. Agreeing to my proposal, introducing my husband to my family and then manipulating them to speak ill of him was all a part of my father’s scheming mind.

His motive was to make me believe by any means that I was with the wrong guy, thus he would be able to get me married to his choice, thus 'maintaining' his respect at the cost of my life. Surprisingly, I wasn’t shocked.

It’s been six months since my marriage. I'm living the life of my dreams with my hubby. My father hasn’t even tried to get in touch with me since April 2016 (the time when I had confronted my father about questioning the goodness of my mother and grandmother).

This story was submitted by Anne