My Father Died And I No Longer Knew How To Be A Child

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 2 June, 2018

This is my journey from being a fearless kid to a worrisome adult. I think most of us are at this stage. When I was young, I lived every moment with no fear of the future. Being blessed with everything that I ever wanted, loving parents, no financial pressures, no obligations, all I did is lived. I played when my heart desired, danced to every small tune that played in my heart. Wow! Life was beautiful.

Then a time came when everything changed. I lost my dad, my biggest support system and the sole earning member of the house.

The family started creating the fear in me. What will happen? How will be pay bills? Will we have to sell off the house? And many other questions came up, which got me thinking. I was temporarily working at a BPO with the intention to save some money and do my further studies to get into the corporate world. In no time, my dreams were shattered to ensure my family stays happy. I continued to work at the BPO as it paid well, found a guy from the same industry, got married and delivered a sweet baby girl.

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One day I realised, all I was doing was passing time for so many years. I had forgotten how to live for myself.

I suddenly felt stuck, in living up to people's expectations, their happiness, I had lost my identity. All I did is smile but with a lot of pain inside me. When I stood alone, all I could do was cry as I always felt what a potential I wasted. 14 years of my life just went by without me realising. Strongly, I feel the urge to get those years back and relive every moment. Today here when I write this, all I want to know is, was there any other way I could have handled this?

Can you just be selfish for a while so that you can live a fulfilled life? Life is about giving but not on the cost of sacrificing yourself.

Maybe if I would have put my foot down and taken decisions to live life as I planned, I would have given my family a great life and most importantly, be happy with my own. All I want to say is never ever give up on your dreams. Do what your heart says and rule your mind so you can get it done your way. If you are happy, only then you can keep everyone around you happy. If people start living their life without fear and obligations, there will be no suicides as everyone will be able to live their own life rather than living life for others, to appease them. I have learnt my lesson, have you?

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