Depression. What is depression? I know this is a sensitive word to talk about 'for now'. You can see everyone posting and spreading awarenesses all around, which is good. But why now? Why do we have to wait for someone to die to do so?

This story is about how a small joke or rumour that started in school created a whole lot of mess in my life during a tough phase for my family.

I was 15 or so, at that time I was a very careless and 'live in the moment' kinda person. My recent ex-boyfriend of the time saw me talking to a senior, he felt insulted and started a small rumour that was not a big deal for 'him' at that point. But the rumour started to spread like wildfire and with each person adding a few more spices to the story, it turned out to be the biggest deal for me.

My days started with unknown calls and messages from all over and my night ended with such anonymous chats coming my way as well. Asking about my 'rate'. Few of my 'friends' thought it to be funny to keep asking me to date them to get physical, even after me saying 'No' several times. Funny, it was indeed for them. For me, it was a nightmare. 

Now you would say, Why I never told anyone about this. But my friends, you see my family was already going through a lot. My father had been diagnosed with Cancer all of a sudden. I was scared to tell anyone anything, not even a single girl in my class. Thinking if they would know,  nobody will talk to me ever again.

I was all alone, I started getting panic attacks and started cutting my wrist all the time. I also started getting suicidal. Nobody was able to understand why. Nobody cared either, except for my family. Somehow, I was able to pass my school.

Now, I was in college and thought everything will be over soon but little did I know that people found it difficult to let people be. People from my school would still talk to me with ulterior motives. I was molested, I still don't have the guts to say that out loud. And all I was left with were fake friends around me. All of this, thanks to my angry ex-boyfriend who wanted to be mean for a second but ended up ruining my life for quite some time. Probably, he didn't even realise what he did, what the consequences really were. 

Luckily, I found someone who was able to help me, but he didn't understand what to do, when to do it, or how to react. I don't blame him. But, then after a few years, I started sharing things with my family. They started helping me by taking me for professional help.

In the beginning, I thought it would be very difficult for me to continue, how will I be able to share everything with a stranger? But surprisingly, I was able to tell everything to the Doctor. I cried a lot during the process but I did it. I felt way lighter soon as I began my sessions.

It took some time, but I was able to recover with the help of my friends and family. I know there are a few people who use jokes or insult others as their defence mechanism, I know that you may have suffered too but all I request from you is to talk to your family, take professional help.

Don't dump your frustrations on someone else. People have so many different ideas about mental health, but it starts from a very small thing.

We just have to be careful always and not just 'now', think before you talk, don't judge someone, don't assess the magnitude of someone's problem. Just help your friends family and anyone around you. Don't lose hope and be patient. You never know who is suffering. Be that friend to someone who really needs you.

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