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I Never Thought I Would Say This: I'm Depressed Because He Wants To Marry Me

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I have always been a very confident person. I'm the kind of person who gave speeches since school days. I was never scared of public speaking.

I completed my post-graduation and I'm now working in a junior college as a teacher. But now my mental health doesn't seem to be going well. I have been in a committed relationship for five years. But I never told my parents about this. Everything has always been well and good, but all of a sudden, I got highly pressurized by him to tell my parents about us. Finally, I told them in a way I never thought I would.

I cried like anything in front of them while telling about us because he forced me to do so. Now he is forcing me to get married by next year. According to his astrologer, by February 2022 he must get married or else the so-called 'shubh' time is over. I never believed in all these. Moreover, for me, marriage is more about mental preparation. I am not at all mentally prepared at 26 to get married and he is 29.

I have responsibilities upon me. My mother cannot walk properly. She got a high BP stroke when I was in class 4. My father is a diabetic and recently had heart surgery. I have an elder brother and I told my partner that only after my brother gets married and a member is included in my family, I will leave my home, not before that. Am I asking for too much?

He disagrees. He says we need to get married by next year or else he would end our relationship. I am lost. I am totally lost. I pray for my death. I don't want to be alive for a single day. I never had anything to worry about my relationship with him. He has always been there for me. But all of a sudden, this pressure of marriage is destroying everything. I am becoming mentally unfit day by day. Many people say I lose my sense for a few seconds and drool, even my parents saw this, but I don't realize when it happens.

Day by day I am forgetting how I used to be. I don't know if all these are due to overthinking or what. I just want one thing and that is to keep my parents happy. I order medicines for them, take care of their requirements. Who will do this if I leave them all alone?

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