I've Really Had Enough Of My Mother. It’s Time To Keep Some Distance Now.

Anonymous Anonymous in Your Story on 31 March, 2018

I never shared a great relationship with my mother. But things took a turn for the worse after I got married.

I am a single child and belong to a middle-class family. My parents always fought with each other because they could never understand each other. So I had a very disturbed childhood. The relationship between my parents deteriorated with each passing day and they separated just before I got married. I got married last year. I had loved this person for the last 9 years.

My mother is very possessive about me. She was not too happy with my relationship and my marriage too.
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Before I got married - my in-laws, my husband and I had discussed my mother’s predicament with one another. We all agreed that my mother would stay with me after I got married because she did not have anyone else except me now.

That was the worst decision of my life.

We shifted to another state and my mother came over to stay with us. Initially, things were good but then we started having problems.

She started creating restrictions around the house.
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She would not allow me to enter the kitchen. She would not even allow me to make a cup of tea for my husband. Slowly, the issues started increasing in number. She started complaining about my husband to me. She would not like it if my husband and I went out without her. She imposed restrictions on everything.

At one point in time, I was so annoyed by her behaviour that I stopped talking to her.

One day, my mother-in-law came from Delhi to stay with us for a fortnight. My mother was unable to digest this. I tried to make her understand things. I told her that it was just a question of 15 days. I requested her to let my mother-in-law do whatever she wanted to do. I asked her not to say anything to her and to behave normally with her.

But she did not listen to me. She ended up doing the exact opposite. She started creating problems for all of us.

She refused to let her into the kitchen. She would not allow her to do any work around the house. She would mutter continuously to herself and scold her behind her back etc. She then started b*t*hing about my in-laws to their relatives.

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My husband was unable to tolerate all this.

After all, she was living in his house because his mother had allowed her to stay with us for as long as she wanted to. I discussed this with my mother. I tried to make her understand things repeatedly.

But it all backfired on me.

She started shouting at me and scolded me and my husband. She started using foul language in front of everyone. I was shocked to see her reaction. I knew she had manipulated many things in our lives earlier too.

And then one day, I saw her b*t*hing about me too - to my husband’s relatives. I was surprised to hear what she had to say about me. She said that I was not taking care of her properly and I just wanted to get rid of her. She also said that I had destroyed her life and that she had left my father because of me.

She then said that I wanted her to die so that I could live freely with my husband. That was the day I decided that she was not going to stay with us anymore.
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I decided to find a home for her near our house. I would then help her shift there. She too agreed with this saying that she could not adjust to us. Obviously, these were long-term plans which would take time to materialize. Her behaviour had not changed at all. In fact, it was becoming worse with each passing day. After my mother-in-law left for Delhi, she started behaving normally and acted as if nothing had happened.

But this time I knew I had taken enough of her behaviour.

I spoke to her of shifting to a new house again and was surprised by her reaction. I told her that we could not stay together under one roof after what she had done. I also told her that my in-laws were planning to come and stay with us after a year or so.  I told her that it would be very difficult for all of us to adjust with one another at that time. I knew the same things would happen again – maybe things would worsen then. I told her again that we would find her a home near our house.

We were ready to bear all her expenses without expecting anything from her. But now she is asking for all the money that she spent on my marriage and on my upbringing.

She agreed to leave us on those terms and yes – she was sure that before leaving us she wanted to scold my mother-in-law properly. I knew my mother had adjustment issues. But clearly, there was more to the matter than met our eyes. I am her daughter. I will always have a soft corner for her. That is what is stopping me from going ahead with my decision. But I have to take this step to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in my marital family.

Editor's Note:

Money may give us a feeling of security. But deep within we all yearn for attention, love and security in our relationships too. Maybe insecurity breeds fear so we try to control things. Maybe we need to master the art of feeling secure on our own. Maybe this comes when we have more faith in ourselves, our relationships and in a higher force. Do share this story because it is so very important to define the boundaries in all our relationships.