Love Relationships heartbreak unhappy marriage Indian wife

It Took Me Eight Years To Realise That The Man I Love Is A Coward

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I miss those times when my husband used to tell me, "I love you". We were in a relationship for 8 years before we decided to tie the knot. It was accepted by both the families and there weren't many problems.

The first issue I faced was a sudden change in wedding dinner menu by their family on the day of my marriage itself. They had ordered different dishes to be served at the last moment. Still, my parents managed without any complains and everything went well.

My father had given a Swift Dzire car in dowry which was selected by my father-in-law himself. Still, my mother-in-law used to taunt me by saying, "sastey mein Shaadi kar diye".

I always kept quiet for my husband’s sake, to not make him feel bad about it.

Soon our lovemaking turned into having sex. He did not have a job and whenever I asked him to find one, he and his mother would just shout and create a fuss.

I completed my masters in engineering and got a job. I had eyesight issues and was advised to go for a surgery. When the time came for making the payment, my in-laws refused to give and asked my father to do it.

This is what he had to say, “Before marriage, we weren’t informed by your family that you will have to undergo a surgery, so we’ll not pay for it.”

My husband supported his parents’ decision which was so irrational. Neither my husband supported me emotionally nor financially. I only found solace in my parents.

I thought my husband loved me but he confessed that he loved the way I used to take care of his parents before marriage and that was the only reason why he married me.

Days passed by and we hardly spoke to each other. Sex was normal. We stopped looking eye to eye.

His mother had told my grandfather that I didn't let my husband ‘touch me’. That was insane.

When I questioned about it, my husband defended her by saying what was wrong in that. He said that it was normal to discuss bedroom stuff with parents. I was shocked beyond words.

Since then, whenever we had sex, there was a constant reminder at the back of my mind that the next morning he would be discussing everything about it with his parents.

I got admission into Ph.D. in a reputed university and this was a motivation for me to stay alive.

In the meanwhile, he too found a job and finally, I was happy that things were getting better.

Six months passed by and I was taking treatment for PCOD as I was not able to conceive. And my in-laws went about saying that I didn’t let my husband touch me. It was just their trick to put the entire blame on me. 

Two years ago, the doctor had advised my husband to get a semen analysis done, to which he had agreed in the hospital. But when we came back home and had a discussion with his parents, he refused to get himself tested. We had a big argument on it.

After much persuasion, he got tested and his sperm count came low. The doctor suggested for test tube baby if my husband wasn’t willing to take any treatment and my in-laws started to force me into it. I refused and so ultimately, my husband had to take medication.

All hell broke loose when I found out that he was lying about his job. He had no job; he only used to roam around with his friends for the whole day and come back home in the evening.

His parents again supported him and had the simplest of reaction, “So, what if he lied?”

All this came together as a rude shock to me when they said that I was not supposed to even pay my own fee and surgery cost. They did not even say that they would pay for it. Indirectly, they wanted to convey that my parents had to bear all the expenses.

They asked me to quit the job and handle the kitchen. I refused and at that moment, my father-in-law was even about to raise his hand on me.

They asked me to leave the house. Everything was happening in front of my husband and he chose to stay quiet. He was the person whom I loved unconditionally and he broke my heart.

Now I am back at my parent’s house, unable to decide if I should go back and compromise or continue to do my job and wait for my husband to realise my value.

He, being jobless, won't ever go against his parents because he is scared that he would not get his share of property if he supports me. Neither is he an emotional support to me nor financially.

He doesn't even seem to love me anymore.

I feel that I am just a trophy which he has won and can be shown off to the world.

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