Hey humans, this gay guy is back. And now you might be thinking, “Is it really that bad for him?" Or "what an attention seeker". Believe me, I've heard worse, so I’m immune to it. Let’s get to my story. I was living the kind of life that I had always imagined. I had the perfect boyfriend, the perfect home and everything seemed as if it had come out of Dreamland. But there are some dreams which fade away when you wake up, and the only remains left are their vague flashbacks. Things started to get ugly between us. Let's call my boyfriend Tony for the sake of the story.

Tony started behaving in a weird way, rude and careless. This was not him.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine discovered some truths about Tony and told me. I was stunned. I thought that it was just a prank that they both had set up for me. Soon, I realized that it wasn't. And finally, one fine day, on 20th May at 8:30 pm, to be precise, he texted me saying that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. On my interrogation, he explained to me that he has some reasons for doing this, and blocked me. I still couldn't believe it. I thought that it was just a nightmare and soon my alarm will ring, and I'll wake up to my beautiful fantasy like reality. But the alarm never rang. Things became worse in the coming months.

But I had a determined mindset, and I decided that I won't be held back by this. Months later, I met someone, let's call him Panda. So, Panda was typically what a coffee table bibliophile like me would dream of. Ever since we had our first conversation, I knew it, that we would get somewhere for sure.

I could sense it, he was attracted to me.

And so was I, but unfortunately my mind wasn't ready to embrace another relationship. So I walked away.

Weeks passed. I nurtured myself and explored more of what I am. I realized the reality of the situation, Panda really was the best fit for me. I approached him, and it may be hard to believe, but he was still right there waiting for me. I thought that my life is falling back into place, but I didn’t know then that I would soon fall apart. Tony returned. He apologized. He somehow managed to convince me and I took him back.

I walked away from Panda once again. I tried all I could to make him hate me and move on, but all of them turned out to be futile attempts. In the present day, things are still not pleasant between Tony and me. Surprisingly, Panda is still around, nor him neither did his feelings have changed towards me.

And guess what, I still believe that Panda is the best guy for me.

And somewhere, deep down, I too feel for him, but I am confined in my love for Tony. And I regret it. I regret the fact that I made a mess out of such a precious soul. Is it possible to feel for two individuals at the same time?

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