Confession arranged marriage indian parents men

I'm A 28-Year-Old Man And I'm About To Get Married For A Reason I Don't Understand

( words)
*For representational purpose only.
I'm a 28-year-old man who's about to get married in the next few months or maybe a year for a reason I'm still trying to look for. 

I have a job with a Private Limited, earning 40k a month, and my father has a shop in our village. All our expenses and essential commodities are managed by the shop. My 40k is purely spent by me on my car's EMI, fruits for the family, and sometimes dresses for mom and all that. Basically, my money is spent on luxuries and not necessities. 

Now coming to the point, my father has been very unhappy with me and always ends up abusing me, my mother and sometimes he beats her in front of the whole neighborhood. He does that because he wants me to do more in my career or life than our neighbors and my mother has to face the consequences of my failures even though it's not her fault that I don't earn that much.

Just to be honest, I've never labeled this torture of mine and my mom's as 'punishment', in fact I actually think they are remedies. I believe that the 40k per month would have never been possible for me without being degraded like that. All this torture came to an end when I agreed to get married to a girl of my father's choice. And this process started began two years ago.

I thought if that was my fate, I should approach the woman I was about to marry with a smile on my face and embrace my destiny. I decided to accommodate her into my life, I gave her my best but she still has excuses, when it comes to caring about me. She just doesn't want to give in and all this is still going on. 

I think I'm stuck with the wrong person.

One, she's the most careless girl, with poor presentation and humor, she looks average but I don't care about those superficial things, however,  I'd have loved her to be more friendly, honest, and caring. Two, she's irresponsible towards my family and this relationship. Three, she's overconfident when it comes to introducing me to any of her family and friends.

I personally believe my life is going to be hell after this marriage.

I was even building my own house so that I could settle peacefully after marriage with my parents and a loving wife. Moreover, I don't know if I love her, most probably I'm just trying to be happy because of my father. And even though I know I may not be happy with her I can't confront her because our marriage has been fixed.

I don't want to hurt any of my family members or hers. But I don't feel loved with her, nor do I feel like she is my dream girl. I am a hardworking and honest person. I am appreciated for my qualities at my workplace but just this small mistake in my personal life can ruin it all for me.

I want to be a free bird when it comes to enjoying life, visiting beautiful places, grilling meat in the silent woods and enjoying nature with a friendly, modern, caring, liberal and loving wife. My would-be wife has none of these qualities, and I don't know what to do. 

Please help and suggest how I can end this misery of mine. 

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