indian woman unhappy marriage NRI domestic abuse

If I Don't Listen To Them And Give Up My Salary, My Husband Will Divorce Me

( words)
*For representational purpose only.

I got married at an early age because my husband and his family agreed to let me continue with my further studies. I was a CA in India and was very good at it. My husband always wanted to settle in the UK but he had already been rejected by two countries as a student, so he asked me to apply. He was genuinely happy for me to take these steps for my career. My mother-in-law used me completely as she wanted me to earn all of this money for their family.

We’re 12 years into our marriage, but still don’t have our own hours because all our savings are sent back to his family and whatever else is left, gets spent into buying properties on my mother-in-law’s name.

I was fine with this initially, but a few years later, I realized that my husband was only and always taking his family’s side over mine. His mother didn’t like me because I was overqualified, especially in comparison to their son and on top of that, was earning double of what he was.  She wanted me to work more, earn more but even stay at home and do more there too. They had a problem with my visiting my parents too.

She even told me once, that I’ve stayed there for 22 years, so I should forget about them now. Of course, I bluntly disagreed to this thought of hers.

I’m very close to my siblings, but I’ve always treated my brother-in-law as my own too. They didn’t even like it when I would get them gifts, but of course, anything to his brother was welcomed with open arms.

When we were expecting our first child, after nearly 11 years into our marriage, I knew they wouldn’t allow me to spend my money in traveling to India to be with my parents. I didn’t tell them about the £850 I was carrying with me back home. When they found out that I had my own money saved, they accused me of stealing it from them to feed my family. Mind you, my brother works in the US with a multinational company, and my sisters are also highly qualified with well-paying jobs. On top is that, my father is a Grade 2 officer in the government.

The conversation got so heated that my husband threatened me with a divorce. This was all when our premature baby was in ICU.

Now, he’s taken his words back and told me that he’s ready to stay with me, provided I listen to this mother, promise that I won’t visit my parents back in India and surrender all of my salary to them. Right now, I’m paying rent, all the bills from our house, including immigration expenses since we’ve come to this country. I’ve contributed so much more than, as a wife, I should be doing. What happened to equals in a marriage?

Is it wrong to not want to spend my money on his family? Especially, because I’m just a daughter-in-law in this house? I don’t know what to do and I’ve got our baby’s future to think of too. I’m confused.


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