How My Sadist Ex-Boyfriend Blackmailed Me Every Time I Tried Breaking Up Still Disgusts Me
When I came to India to do engineering, I knew that this was a very conservative place and that causal dating wasn’t really ‘accepted’ here. In any case, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I just wanted to get my college degree and get out as fast as I can. Engineering is a four year course and there is no short cut around it.
This incident happened in the beginning of college. A month into college I became friends with a classmate. We weren’t exactly ‘close’, but we used to talk every now and then. He used to be very adamant that I talk to him everyday on Facebook. He always wanted me to text him first. If I didn’t message him first, he’d start a fight. I ignored all these signs. Who knew that it was the monster inside him trying to get out!
A couple of weeks passed by, and he asked me out to lunch. I said yes. It’s just lunch, what could go wrong there anyway. Right? Wrong! He asked me to be his girlfriend. I have known this guy for less than two months and I really wasn’t looking forward to a relationship. I tried to let him down gently. I told him that we shouldn’t rush into things, but he started crying. YES, he was CRYING in front of at least 30 people sitting in a restaurant and he was really starting to make a scene. Just to get out of the situation, I said yes. I was officially his ‘girlfriend’.
The signs were there, but it was very subtle. He wouldn’t let me talk to other boys. I tried to argue about it but he said ‘If you love me, you won’t need other men in your life. They are only looking to use you.” Gradually, he wouldn’t let me talk to my own friends either. I myself didn’t realise that it had happened. He took his time and slowly manipulated me into spending every single second of my time with him. If I ever tried to resist, he started a fight and ended up crying. I am not into that kind of drama and he knew it.
I went with anything just to avoid him making scenes in public.Share this quote
I wrote all his assignments. I tried teaching him before exams. But most of all, I trusted him. I thought, “he is possessive because he loves me. This is the most love any girl will ever get because he really seems to care about me. He wants to know everything that happened in my life”. We were like a ‘role model couple’ to our classmates. Everyone wanted us to be together. They said, “You guys are so meant to be”
I trusted him with everything. I told him about my past, my family, their past and all our secrets. I thought he would never judge me. I thought he would look at me for who I really am.
So what really went wrong? And when did i realize I was on a downward spiral?
He became obsessed. He wanted to live my life. He wanted to instruct every single thing that happened in my life. When exams were close, he wouldn’t let me study. He would fight with me for hours over the phone just to keep me from studying. I was one of the top scorers in class and he was right at the bottom. Inspite of all his efforts, he couldn’t pull me down and he couldn’t push himself higher either.
Every time the results for some tests came out, he would emotionally torture me some more. He blamed me for everything wrong in his life. He shouted and yelled and called me names endlessly. He said so many mean things to me. I thought at some point it was going to stop and that it was going to get better. But it didn’t.
I really can’t let someone else take over my life. I spent hours and hours crying about these incidents every single day. I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I didn’t want to be emotionally tortured. So I decided to stand up to him.
Step one was getting back in touch with my best friend Deepthi. He hated her only because she was the person I loved the most in my life. I texted her and called her without telling him. After Deepthi and I reconnected, I decided to let him know. I did. The result? He slapped me. He has progressed to physically torture me.
For the first time in my life I was scared. I looked at him and his eyes had the intent to kill engraved on it. I got home and had a nervous breakdown. But I never told anyone about it. Not even Deepthi. I was scared of being harmed. I was scared of him.
This incident led to more weeks of emotional torture. I learned the true definition of ‘torture’ from him. With the very little courage that I scooped up, I decided to leave. By this time, we were only six months into our relationship.
We met up one day and I told him, “Listen, I don’t think we should be together anymore,” trying too hard to hide the shiver in my voice. He said,”Really? You want to leave me huh? Aren’t you going to marry me? How can you live without me? Your life is nothing without me.” I stayed silent because I know my life is SO much more than just being tortured by a random shit-head I met months ago. When he realised that it wasn’t working, he started begging me to stay. When that didn’t work, the next resort was, blackmail. I just… I just couldn’t dodge that one.
I love my mom. I would never want her to be hurt. It would kill her to know that I’ve been lying to her to be with a boyfriend that she never knew. He blackmailed me saying that he would reveal everything to my mother.
I imagined her face for a minute and I said, “I am sorry. You are right, this is silly. Why should we break up?”Share this quote
I realized SO MUCH that day. He was a sadist. He loved to see me struggle. He enjoyed every minute of torturing me. Our finals were in a month. He didn’t care. All he cared was that he had someone to oppress everyday. He doesn’t love me or care about me. His intentions were completely different. I was helpless and alone. Completely alone. He made sure that I had absolutely no friends at all before he revealed the monster he truly was. I was numb from then on. I thought I wasn’t going to have an escape anytime soon.
And then, we got a three week holiday before second year began and I decided to visit my dad in Dubai. It was a breath of fresh air. For the first time I was going to be free. I couldn’t remember the last time I was free. Ofcouse he fought about it. He said I was allowed to go only one week and that I had to come back, else he will be too sad or something. I said my dad decided and I couldn’t do anything anymore.
When the plane lifted off the ground, I laughed. I laughed so loudly because I couldn’t contain my happiness. I was at a height where nothing and no-one could affect me. The four hour flight was the most blissful experience of my entire life.
When I was in Dubai, I didn’t contact him at all. I used all that time to think. I wanted to think through everything and decide my each and every move and how I was going to handle any of the situations.
When I landed back here in India, I was stronger. So much stronger than I ever was when I faced him. I told him, “Listen, I will help you with your studies, I will still be a part of you life, as a friend. I will be there for you every step of the way, but I just won’t be your girlfriend.” I thought that was the most romantic breakup line ever. But apparently, I was the only person who thought so.
He said, “Fine. If that’s what you want. It's fine.” I was content. He stopped the car near an ATM before dropping me home. When I got back, nothing changed, he continued to drive, but I heard a dripping noise. I asked him if he could hear it too, maybe something was leaking. He said he doesn’t hear anything. I ignored it.
Moments later, he changed the gear, moved his hand to the steering wheel, and there was blood on the gear. He had cut himself. Blood was dripping onto his jeans and floor and the steering wheel. It was the most torturous I have ever felt. To watch someone bleed. It might sound easy, but it will never really leave your mind. I immediately changed my mind about the breakup. I apologized a million times.
When I got back home, I sat in silence, consumed in my loneliness.
“No, I can’t go down that road with him. Remember all that pain he caused you? The number of hours you spent crying on your bed when all your friends were out having fun?”Share this quote
With shivering hands I picked up my phone, called him and made the break up final. Atleast I wouldn’t have to watch him bleed this time. Maybe he will die. That’s what should happen to him. I convinced myself.
The next day in college was a good one. I ignored him and he ignored me. I started talking to my friends again. They were very forgiving. Of course it was too good to last.
That evening (it was a Thursday), I decided to take a very early nap. I was woken up by my mother’s scream. She looked shocked and her words didn’t really make sense. She could hardly put words together into a complete sentence. When she regained her composure, she knew. She knew everything that happened. He kept his word. He told my mother about the relationship. He told her everything that I’ve ever told him, all our secrets, everything. He also told her a LOT of lies.
To this day, I don’t know the complete details of what happened. All I know is, he came to my house with ten other boys from my class (his so called friends) and said tons of non-sense about me. My mother never asked me anything about it. She was hurt. She probably hated me. But I am glad she never asked me because I wouldn’t explain. I lost my ATM card, my net, my phone, everything. But I didn’t care. My mom. That’s what I couldn’t stand. The only stable relationship I had was with mom. He took care of that one as well now.
I cried myself to sleep that day. Friday morning I did not want to go to college. I tried telling mom that I will go on Monday, but she refused. She said, “You are going to take bath now and I will drop you to college. You don’t have a choice in it”. I cried in the shower. I cried all the way to college. I hated myself. I hated him. I hated mom for making me do this. I thought she was punishing me for being such a horrible daughter to her. When we reached college. I wiped my tears and steadied myself to go.
She stopped me and said, “I am glad you left him when he blackmailed you. I am proud of you for having the courage to do that.” I broke down into tears. I just wanted to hug mom and cry my heart out, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to touch her. I didn’t deserve to be her daughter. I went to college.Share this quote
I had to climb two sets of stairs before I reached the floor with my class. It was a long walk from the edge of the stairs to the door of my class. I probably looked dead with grief, but I kept my head high and I walked and walked and walked. There he was with his gang of assholes right outside the class, lining the corridor. All heads turned to face me including his. Perhaps he was looking to gloat at the mess he created. Gloating at the pain he caused me. But I walked with my head held high and I knew then why I had to go to college that day.
Mom made me go because he would win if I didn’t show up. He would get the sense that something really bad happened to me because of him and he would be happy. We can’t let that happen now. Can we?
The story doesn’t end there. His next step was to spoil college for me as well. He spread rumours that I had sex with him. Then he said, I had sex with a lot of people. Then it was, I used to have sex for money when I was in school. In no time I was a famous w****. Probably the only whore who was still a virgin.
I tried to explain to people that he was lying. I tried to tell people the real story. But the truth doesn’t spread like the rumours. They aren’t spicy enough. So I gave up trying. From then on, if anyone asked me about having sex with him, I said “Well, I would have had sex with him, but his p**** was the size of a peanut”. That shut people up.
Months after the breakup, rumours didn’t stop. Any boy that I talked to, got labelled as the “guy I am sleeping with”. I had lost everything. EVERYTHING. But I was happy. Happy to the very core of my being. I was no longer hiding anything from mom. If I did or said anything bad in college, people just said “oh she’s a whore, I am not surprised”. It gave me a whole new level of freedom. The freedom to do whatever the hell I want.
Now, its been nearly one and half years after the breakup. Still stuck in the same class with an ex-boyfriend and a bunch of guys who destroyed my life. But I am happy. Happy for the amazing friends who believed in me. Happy for the fact that the bond between me and mom grew strong again.
I forgave all of them in my heart. But I’ll never forget what they did and I’ll be looking forward to karma paying them a visit sometime.Share this quote
I know that there are a LOT of women in a relationship with these sadists. I knew about it only after I had one. Listen, you are NOT alone. Not alone in this at all. At some point, you just have to get out of that relationship. The outcome is going to be disastrous! You will be devastated. Thoughts of suicide might even pass your mind. But don’t give up. That storm will die down. It might take a few months for the storm to die. But you have the power to escape. Face the storm and come out stronger. I don’t know if you’ll ever completely heal emotionally from it but atleast you can try. We can all try together.